Page 114 of His Reckless Freshman

Shit, what the hell is she doing here?

I can’t find my voice as I scramble off the bed and rush to open the door.

Why am I rushing? I should be telling her to go away.

But the second I spot her face, I feel this flood of… shit, it’s a weird-ass concoction of joy, relief and mild panic.

She shouldn’t be here.

But I can’t tell her to leave… because I want her to stay.

This is such a mindfuck.

“Can I come in?” Her big gray eyes stare up at me, and I’m powerless to do anything but move aside.

She gives me a nervous smile, stepping past me and walking to the edge of my bed, then taking a few jittery steps to her right as I close the door and pace to my closet.

Crossing my arms, I spin back to face her, about to ask her what she’s doing here, when she pushes up the sleeves of her baggy sweater and launches into a speech I never saw coming.

“So, I know we said this is over. No more tutoring sessions, and I get why you said that, but I just wanted to come here tonight and appeal your decision, because today, when I was walking to class, I overheard these two girls talking about Caroline and… well, you.”

Her expression crumples like she’s hurting, and my stomach twists into a painful knot.

She clears her throat. “I was kind of spinning when I found out about you and Caroline hooking up, but then I heard about the baby and the miscarriage, and my brain was seriously ready to explode because I had no idea. My family didn’t breathe a word of it to me. They just told me she had a stomach bug so bad that she had to go to hospital. And then I hear this and I was like… ‘What the…?’” She bulges her eyes, then lets out this breathy awkward laugh before clearing her throat. “I know I should call her and really confirm the story with the actual source, but I’m kind of mad at her right now, and I don’t want to talk to her. I did talk to my aunt, though, and although she wasn’t a fountain of information, she did indicate that what I’d heard was true, so…” She glances at me, obviously checking to see if I’m still listening. Or maybe she wants me to verify the story.

All I can give her is a stiff nod.

Her expression crumples again. “I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m sorry she kept that from you. And I’m really sorry she rejected you. It’s completely insane. I mean, why would anyone ever want to reject you?” She lifts her hand toward me. “You’re so sweet and beautiful and kind, and any girl would be lucky to have you, like seriously! I would never do that to you. I would never ignore you or push you away, and I would never be dumb enough to choose someone else over you!” Her voice pitches, her expression so earnest…

And I’ve forgotten how to breathe.

“I like being with you so much, Ben.” Her voice starts to shake, and she has to suck in a ragged breath. “I know we haven’t spent mountains of time together, but the time we have spent together has been perfect. I love watching movies with you and talking with you and playing Scrabble with you and… and…” She scratches her forehead, squeezing her eyes shut. “Shoot, I had this whole speech planned out, and it was way better than what I’m saying right now. But the second you opened the door, all my practice just flew out the window. One look at your face and I’ve forgotten most of it, and…”

She pulls a scrap of paper out of her pocket and my heart folds in half, this unchecked affection rising through me as I fight a grin. Her hands are shaking as she tries to straighten out the paper, then ends up ripping it. With a soft tut, she balls it up, scrunching the paper in her fist while huffing out a breath. “Look, the point is…” She huffs again, so obviously steeling herself.

And then her eyes land right on me, her voice softening to a husky whisper. “The truth is, I… I like you, like really like you, okay? In fact, I think I might even be falling in love with you, so I’m just here to say that… well, that.” She starts picking at the paper ball in her hand, her eyes darting down to it as she swallows and murmurs, “I just needed you to know how I felt, and I needed you to hear that I’m not like those other girls. I see you. I want you, and not just for some fling or one-night stand. I know we started out with this… tutoring arrangement, but the more time I spent with you, the more it didn’t feel like tutoring anymore. It was starting to feel real, because it is real. For me, at least. And I guess I just had to come and tell you all of that so you’d know… and to maybe, you know… to ask… to find…” She blows out a breath, her eyes glassing over when she skims my face and gives me a desperate look. “To find out if… the feeling is… you know… mutual? Like, do you like really like me too, or were you seriously just being the beautiful, nice, lovely man you are and helping me out with zero feelings involved?”

I still haven’t said anything. Ever since she turned up, I’ve stood here a mute listener, soaking in her voice, her eyes, her words, her face… soaking in everything about her and absorbing her beautiful truth.

She wants me.

She really wants me.

And I guess it all comes down to one question: Am I going to let her in?

The silence pulsing through the room right now is expanding out between us, and when she starts to give me this heartbreaking, resigned smile, like she’s trying so hard to be brave and not fall apart in front of me, I break.

I can’t do this anymore.

I can’t keep pretending.

So I step forward… and I snatch her wrist before she can turn for the door. Rubbing my thumb across the soft skin of her forearm, I gaze down at her, my mind filling with everything I want to say, battling it out with everything I should say, and then telling them both to shut the hell up.

A soft smile curls my lips when I reach for her face, cupping those sweet cheeks of hers and leaning down to press our lips together.

She responds with a soft intake of breath.

“Really?” she whispers against my lips, her surprise adorable, endearing, and I can’t help a soft laugh.