Page 178 of Ashborne: Defiance

But there was suddenly a coil of heat twisting in my belly, and even though Harle called out from the other end of the table, which gave me an excuse to break the gaze, I could feel Voski’s continued stare.

I was about to take another sip from the fresh ale, but I caught myself.

No. I needed to take more care. Much more care. I didn’t want to get drunk!

“Excuse me!” I said, pushing to my feet. My chair scraped on the slate floor, but it was very noisy in the room and no one seemed to mind. “I need to find the powder room,” I said, so they wouldn’t know why I needed to leave.

“You’ll have more luck asking for a privy!” Ronen called from the other end of the table, chuckling.

He didn’t have a drink in front of him, so I thought he probably meant what he said. “Thank you!”

I turned to pass behind Bren and weave between tables, and almost lost my footing. Bren caught my hand when I grabbed for her, and we both giggled. It was very funny.

I found my composure, and walked calmly to the bar—though it was slightly alarming the way the room’s floor was tilted—to ask a bar maid where I might use the facilities. She directed me out into the hallway, and a drafty porch behind the stairs.

The loud voices and heated air faded behind me, and I breathed deeply. Thanking God for such an amazing day, followed by a fun night. It was wonderful.

But, I couldn’t let my fancies walk away with me. Voski had been looking at me because I was seated across the table from him, and was naturally in his line of sight. He didn’t smile. He hadn’t flirted—which was a relief. I wasn’t good at flirting, but I recognized it when I saw it. Gil and Jhoare did it often, and didn’t mean it in the slightest, which was quite funny.

After a few moments, I found my composure, brushed off my leathers, and admired them for a moment. I indulged in a short moment to dream of the day I would wear a brass, enamel pin on the lapel. Then I took one more deep breath and nodded to myself.

I wouldn’t drink more ale. It might make me say something silly. And I wanted this night to be as fun and joyful as this day had turned out to be.

I entered the tavern with my chin high—and hadn’t even left the shadows of the hallway when I deflated at the sight of Voski, in the main doorway, waving his farewell to the others.

Our eyes caught for a moment, and I didn’t control my features as I should have. I felt my face fall, and tried to catch it, to replace the sudden melancholy with a smile. But I was too late.

Voski’s lips thinned. Thank God the others hadn’t seen me yet. The hope and delight I’d been enjoying drained through my body and out of my toes in a blink at the darkness in that gaze.

Without a word or gesture, Voski turned and pushed out the door and into the night.

And, as that hollow in my chest began to ache, something inside me sparked to fire.

62. Unwilling Heat

SOUNDTRACK: Come Closer (Worship) by Nation Haven

~ VOSKI ~

I stopped at the second ale, the moment I found myself staring and let her eyes catch, and I didn’t break the gaze.

I couldn’t stay. Couldn’t keep watching her beam and giggle. Couldn’t listen to Gil flirt with her just to needle me. And the other brothers try to tempt her to swear—because I knew that was coming next. I couldn’t remain.

And yet, I didn’t move.

I stared. Gazed. Hungered. Wanted.

And I fought.

Under the table, I hung onto the seat of my chair for dear life, nails scraping in the wood, reminding myself over and over that she was not for me. That this sudden rush of want was simply an aftermath of the shock of having watched her almost be hurt.

That moment she’d fallen into my chest, sobbing, clinging, it hadn’t repulsed me because she’d almost died. I would have felt that bone-humming relief if any of my brothers faced their mortality.

But then my eyes dragged to that scrape on her cheek and I imagined kissing it, tasting the salt on her skin and—

I would have stood, but Grace beat me to it, giggling and almost stumbling. She was woozy. Not drunk, but loose. It was early yet. She would get looser. And the brothers with her.

I had no concerns for her physical safety with them.