Page 115 of Use Me Up

“No, you are not as good at fucking everything up as you think you are, Ellis.”

I have to smile at that.

The next day, I get a call from one of the therapists that an appointment has opened up. I start therapy the week after.

PART III

21

gatlin

Kane eyes me across the table at the restaurant where I’ve taken him. “I’m a little worried, because every time you tell me you want to have a serious conversation, it’s always about how unhappy you are.”

“Not this time,” I say. “I promise.”

It’s been over three months since Ellis’s heat.

When we went home afterward, I was worried that it would be another break between us and our omega, and that we wouldn’t see him again unless he went into another surprise heat.

But Hannah and I have been keeping in touch, texting pretty much daily. And Kane was still keen on his idea of having Ellis come and see us on weekends, and he wasn’t opposed to Hannah coming along as well. I think Kane wanted it to be one weekend a month or something, and it hasn’t turned out like that.

We’ve had Ellis and Hannah visit us and we’ve visited them. It’s turned into the four of us being together nearly every weekend, something Kane never complains about.

Hannah and I have been really comfortable with each other since the beginning, settling into talking easily, as if we’re old friends. I can hardly imagine a day going by without hearing from her. I didn’t realize—before she appeared in my life—how much I was missing having someone like her, someone who’s willing to sort through my day with me, talk about how we’re both feeling, console each other, build each other up. We’re close.

“All right, then,” says Kane. “So, what is it, then?”

“Maybe we should wait until they bring our food,” I say.

“You said we should wait until we ordered,” he says. “We’ve ordered. Spit it out.”

I take a deep breath. “I want to move closer to Hannah and Ellis.”

“Move?” he says. “You mean, buy a different house, live in a completely different place?”

“You can do what you do from anywhere,” I say, because most of his work is remote these days. He commutes to the office once or twice a month, but he could do that from where Ellis and Hannah live, because his office is about midway between our two current houses. Kane’s commute has always been at least an hour long, which was why he was happy to go mostly remote.

“Not anywhere,” he says. “But I guess, if we move to that part of the state, then, yeah, it’s doable.”

I wait, feeling hopeful, because it seems as if he might be open to it.

“Why?” he says.

“Why?” I repeat. “I think that’s obvious. To be closer to our omega, and to be closer to Hannah.”

“To Hannah,” Kane echoes.

“You know how close Hannah and I are. You know we talk every day. It’d be easier if there wasn’t a two-hour drive between us all the time.”

“Look, we have a life bond with Ellis, and he’s crazy about that girl,” says Kane. “For now. You know how he is, though.”

“Oh, come on, he’s been doing much better with therapy and stuff,” I say. I never thought that the kind of therapy that I got Ellis into might not be the best for his brain chemistry and his background, but he’s been doing much better since he got into something that addresses his unique needs. I actually really like it, too, because it’s very aligned with a lot of eastern thought. It talks a lot about mindfulness and accepting things. I’ve looked into it, and I find it fascinating.

“So, you think he’s going to settle down with her forever? What if he breaks up with her?”

“He can’t do that,” I say.

“You want us to move closer so that you can lock them down and you can keep her, because she’s, like, your bestie or something. But Gatlin, she can be your bestie regardless.”