Page 65 of Westward

“Okay. I believe you.” And I did. He didn’t mean anything by it. “But other than that, having to deal with upcoming training with certain tests is going to break me eventually, but I’m excited to get my new class. It’s going to be fun.”

“You’re a damn good teacher.”

“You haven’t seen me teach,” I teased.

“I know Will. And how you treat him. And the fact that he adores you and respects you. So I do know, and I think you’re doing a damn good job.”

Pride burst inside me, and I blushed. “You’re good for my ego.”

“You’re always damn good for mine.”

“I do believe nobody had to help you with your ego, Mr. Carter.”

“I would ask you to call me Mr. Carter again, but then I think of my dad. Ew.”

I laughed, loving the way that this felt so carefree, even though the burden of reality was quickly approaching. Soon, we would have to face our decisions and know that our lives weren’t as entwined as we wanted.

Unlike back in college, when we had broken up, there wasn’t an endless sea of choices to be made. There weren’t two paths diverging in brokenness. Instead, there were paths that had been dug in over time with repetition and purpose. There were reasons for our choices. And now, I would have to figure out exactly how I was going to make it throughout the school year, knowing that he was in Portland and all over the country in Canada, away from me. Out on the road with the constant puck bunnies—a derogatory name that I hated, however, there wasn’t any denying his female fans.

There were a thousand different things tugging on Atlas, taking him away, and I would never stand before those and beg him to change. That wasn’t fair to either one of us. But now, we needed to figure out who Atlas and Lizzie were in the face of this new reality, versus the path that we had taken before.

By the time we got out of the car and inside Summit Grill, I had successfully pushed those worrying thoughts from my mind, and now I could focus on this evening.

Rune had made sure that as many of our friends could be here as possible—including the ones that worked so many hours, that even though they were here, I knew they were still on call.

And he had specifically asked everybody to bring their kids with them, so it was a family affair. There might be a bar involved in this building, but it wasn’t the only part that was important.

Rune even had a kids’ menu for that reason.

“I have your sparkling water over here,” Rune said as he pointed towards the bar where a variety of drinks were already laid out. “Elizabeth, darling, what would you like?”

“Hey, hands off,” Atlas growled as he put an arm around my shoulder.

“He’s not touching me, Atlas.”

“Just marking my territory.”

“Next time, just pee around her,” Teagan said before she met my gaze. “Actually, don’t. That was disgusting.”

“Damn straight,” I said with a laugh. I squeezed Atlas’s hip and moved away. “Go, be with your friends. I am going to go annoy Felicity.”

“Tug on my sister’s ponytail for me,” Atlas ordered. I rolled my eyes, knowing that he would forever be the big brother who annoyed her.

Teagan and I went over to Felicity, who was having an animated conversation with Keely and Tess. I looked around for Tess’s daughter, and the other woman met my gaze.

“She’s in Rune’s office, taking a nap.” She pulled out her phone and the camera app. “She’ll be awake soon and hungry. But she didn’t get an afternoon nap earlier, so our schedule’s a little off.”

My heart tugged ever so slightly at the love in Tess’s voice. Promise came over to us, one twin on her hip, and I knew the other was on Finnian’s. I hadn’t realized how much I had wanted to be a mom until this moment. No, that was a lie. It had always been in the back of my mind, something I didn’t want to think about because that meant I knew I was either behind or lacking.

In another life, I’d have been married and had babies by now. I had always thought I would. But that wasn’t my life. I had a job I loved, people that I cared about, and a future that was slightly murky at the moment. But my life wasn’t over because I hadn’t had children. I still might not. I looked over at Atlas, who was in an animated conversation with Finnian and Sterling. Even if this worked out between Atlas and me, it didn’t mean that marriage and babies were on the way. I didn’t know if I was even prepared to have a baby at this point in my life, let alone be a mother. I had resigned myself to the fact that I would never be, and I didn’t know where I sat in this moment.

There was a slight kick to the gut as I realized that my parents would never meet those future babies. They were gone, and I had no one left. No one to call true family. Other than the people in this room, the family I had made along the way. But no matter what happened next in life, my babies would never meet their grandparents. If I had those babies at all.

I pushed those thoughts out of my mind as Atlas gave me a worried look, and I smiled brightly before going back to talking with the girls. We discussed future plans, the school year, and an upcoming town event because, of course, there was another parade on the way. And as we ate the food that Sterling and Rune brought out together, somewhat bickering, I relaxed and settled. Will served everybody, looking proud of himself for not spilling anything, and I reached out to him and paused. “Have you eaten?”

“I have. Rune made sure. Have fun, okay? You deserve it.”

I saw the worry in his gaze, and the unknown in his future as well. Because when Atlas left, we needed to have a plan. I knew that we were all working on it, and it wasn’t dire in this moment, but there was still a sense of unease.