Page 11 of Crossroads

I wasn’t like some who could handle pain. Yes, I liked my piercings and tattoos, and had multiples of each that people couldn’t see unless I knew them intimately, but I wasn’t used to other types of pain. The kind that would break you when you weren’t paying attention.

I didn’t want to be easy with pain or feel as if I could handle it.

When Jeremiah had hit me the first time, I had walked away. I wasn’t going to become a spotter for the paparazzi so they could once again belittle me and tell me that it was my fault.

I arched my back, putting my hands at the base of my spine, stretching. I spent hours behind my drum kit, practicing, putting my heart and soul into my music. Being a female drummer wasn’t a novelty. There were thousands of us. We just didn’t tend to be the norm when it came to the bigger stages. Of course, women in any form of band, unless it was the senior songwriter type these days, didn’t get that attention. One of the people that I loved the most, Lark, was a singer-songwriter and was actually married into my band in a way. She had married Gabriel Wilder’s cousin and, therefore, had even sung a song with him that I had been part of.

I did background vocals, and I played the drums. I was the beat. The steadiness. I was the one that any one of my bandmates could rely on to find their home. Their place. And yet I couldn’t find my home. Couldn’t find my own steadiness. Maybe that was why I hadn’t been able to write or pick up my drumsticks in far too long.

Each one of our bandmates wrote for Wilder. Gabriel did most of it because he was brilliant at that, but I helped. I wrote songs along with them, and worked on the harmonies, as well as what the cadence and beats needed to be. It was my talent, and I loved the cohesiveness of our work.

We had been touring for years at this point, and I knew that the band wanted some time off. Not apart. No, never apart. The fact that I had even been away from my friends for this long was a testament to how tired we all were.

Gabriel and Briar wanted time with their family, as well as their daughter, Maisie. Joshua, who was on rhythm guitar, was seeing a new woman that he was absolutely head over heels with, and they were taking time together. Rocky and her wife were headed toward the World Cup, since it was that time of year again, and the USA Soccer Team was kicking ass. So Rocky would be able to attend most of Mandy’s games, and if I could ever leave this cabin without having a panic attack, I would join. David, our final bandmate, was on a camping trip with his entire family, and I couldn’t help but laugh at that. David, the once-rocker who never washed his hair and had more needle marks than anybody I knew, was now firm and proper, albeit with a few tattoos, and was going camping. In a tent.

I snorted before standing up and beginning to do some of my stretches. I had a feeling that David and his wife would be in a hotel with the kids before long. In fact, they were probably already there. I hadn’t been checking my group texts as much as I should have.

This break should have been for relaxing. I had told everybody that I would go on a road trip, find different places to stay, and get inspiration. Each one of them had offered for me to join their trips. Their families.

Because they knew the only family I had left wasn’t one I wanted to be part of anymore. I loved them. I truly did. My sister was bright, and shiny, and so funny. At least she had been.

And now I was avoiding her just like I avoided everyone else.

There was a knock on the door, and I stiffened for only a moment before I realized I recognized that knock. I went to the cabin door, unlocked both deadbolts, and took a shaky step back. Bodhi had added another deadbolt one day when I had been out on a walking path. He clearly didn’t need it but had wanted it for me because he’d known I wanted to feel safe.

I did not understand this man. Because he had done that without saying a word. He just did things.

As I opened the door, I swallowed hard once again at the presence of this man. This man, who once again held groceries for me even though he’d already done so before.

He was beautiful.

Beautiful, and yet rugged and jagged in a way that belied that beauty.

His dark hair was a little long for him, covering his face slightly, and I knew he had to pull it back every once in a while.

His beard was longer than I had ever seen in photos from Gabriel’s section of the tour bus, and he seemed to live and die in those flannels. Not that there was anything wrong with that.

I could see a peek of ink on his forearms, and I knew that he had full sleeves, but the burn scars on his side and arms were present as well. I wouldn’t ask about them. I couldn’t, but I knew whatever had happened had to be terrible.

“I brought you food,” he said abruptly, and held out two linen bags. I blushed and realized I had been staring at him like an idiot before I took the bags from his hands. They were surprisingly heavy.

“Thank you. Seriously. I really need to get to town and do things on my own…”

I let my voice trail off, and Bodhi did that unnerving thing where he studied your face, and you felt like you were the only one in the world. He always did that when he spoke to me, as if he truly paid attention, even though every ounce of him had wanted to be anywhere else but here.

“You don’t have to go down there if you don’t want to. I don’t go down there if I don’t want to,” Bodhi said after a moment.

I looked down at the bags in my hands, then up at his face once again. “Just let me know how much I owe you for all of this.”

“I don’t need money.”

I smiled, but I wasn’t sure it reached my eyes at that point. “I have more money than I know what to do with, and that’s not bragging. That’s just facts.”

“Then pay me what you want. I don’t really care. I just figured you shouldn’t starve to death.”

I pressed my lips together and then couldn’t help but smile. “Oh, good. That’s nice to know. I guess it would be a lot of paperwork if I did.”

“The paperwork is one thing. But there’ll be people on my property. People I don’t want near me, and that’s just annoying. So just don’t starve to death.”