Page 1 of Crossroads

Chapter 1

BODHI

The hoppy brew slid down my tongue, and I swallowed, doing my best to hide in the shadows. It was where I needed to be, because if I stepped foot into that light once again, I’d catch the attention of others. I was done doing that. I didn’t need the light of whatever harpy needed to stare at me.

I liked my brother’s brewery. Hell, it was one of my favorite places to be. It was slightly out of the way, though sometimes a little too people-y for me. I much preferred my cabin in the woods. It took a four-wheel-drive truck to traverse the mountain roads, so I rarely had to deal with strangers. But the brewery wasn’t that bad. After all, they needed to be near some form of civilization to actually get customers in for events like this.

Callum made damn fine beer, and with the way that he was practically beaming over at Felicity, he looked like a completely different man.

I ran a hand over my chest and took another sip of my beer. I knew that look. I knew it happened when you found that one person who was everything for you, and you knew that no matter what occurred or came at you, you would weather through it because you would have each other. And you’d face the future, waiting for whatever happened next.

But what happened when that person wasn’t there anymore? What happened when the weathering took its toll and brought them along with it?

I downed the rest of the beer, put the bottle on one of the side tables, and reached for another one. I could have two, along with some water, and be fine to drive. But I wasn’t sure I could handle this many people for long.

It might have been an event to celebrate Felicity and Callum making a go of it and finally being healthy after all the shit that had come at them recently, and while I knew nearly every single person in this building, it was still too much.

And how much of a wimp and a dick did that make me?

Disgusted with myself, I popped the top on the other beer bottle and took a big gulp.

I was a pussy, and everyone knew it.

Although what was that saying? Why was weakness considered being a pussy? Because a pussy could take a pounding, and a dick was way too sensitive.

My lips twitched at the memory of the first time I had heard those words. The way she had practically growled them at me, leaving both of us in tears, laughing far too hard.

It bothered me that I couldn’t get her off my mind. And it bothered me that she wasn’t constantly there. But sometimes I had to close my eyes and drift off, letting those memories come back so I could still see her face. Still see their faces. Smiling up at me. Even when Callum had said it was just gas.

I knew when my kids smiled at me. A dad always knew.

I took another swig, wishing it were something a little harder. Why couldn’t Callum distill something other than just beer? Then again, I’d probably end up like the old man, pickled and bitter and the murderer everybody thought I was.

I cursed under my breath, set the bottle down, and reached for my water. If I were going to go down that path, I needed more water. No good could come from the M-word.

Callum and Felicity laughed behind the bar, pulling drafts for family members as they milled about, and more town folk drifted along, some of them still judging. After all, the age gap between the two wasn’t that small. In fact, the significance of it might’ve made other people raise their brows as much as they were. But our family was no stranger to being the talk of the town or doing some shit that made people sneer.

My sister Briar was getting married after she had gotten pregnant. Well, that had just been the tip of the iceberg. My own twin died in a fiery crash, and some still mumbled under their breath that it could have been drugs.

Stupid fucking people. Malcolm hadn’t died of drugs, at least not on his end.

I rubbed my hand over my beard, wondering what I looked like underneath. After all, that’s what Malcolm would look like. He always liked to be clean-shaven. And perhaps I’d been somewhat the same. She’d liked me with a beard and without.

But she was gone. And I was too tired to care about anyone else. I’d be the selfish asshole that people thought I was.

I ran my hand over my nose ring, twisting the hoop slightly. I always did that when I needed to get out of a certain situation, and needed space. Teagan usually called me on it, but she was too busy laughing at something Finnian and Sterling were saying. Each of the twins had one of Finnian’s girls on their hips, bouncing them around and making the girls giggle.

It was like a cut straight to the heart. Bile coated my tongue.

I loved my nieces. All three of them. And when the rest of my siblings began to have kids, I would love them too.

But seeing them hurt.

Because my kids were supposed to be here. My kids were supposed to be alive. And laughing and joking and giggling. My eldest was supposed to be the oldest cousin. Watching over Briar and Finnian’s kids. And the baby wouldn’t be a baby anymore.

I blinked away tears, pissed off that I had let my mind go down that path. I needed to wall it up. To force myself to just breathe, because if I didn’t, I would hurt those kids.

And I refused to do that.