Page 4 of Break My Heart

Not moments after I was so callously dismissed by a man I admitted I was in love with just a few hours earlier.

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OVERSTEER: REAR OF THE CAR SLIDES OUT

My gaze sweeps the master bedroom as if I didn’t spend last night wrapped around Christin. Am I seeing it differently because it’s likely the last time I’ll be here?

No, I’ll fix this. I have to.

Still, my movements are slow as I wander back and forth gathering the things I’ve scattered across the room—my duffel bag tossed in the corner, a jacket slung over a chair, my watch on the nightstand like I actually belong in this space.

My chest constricts when it hits me. I lost the right to be surrounded by her warmth when my brain unearthed something from my past without warning.

My hands move quickly, but my heart is lying dormant in her lounge.

“I love Christin, but she’d disappear on the circuit.”

Jesus. My mind spins helplessly as I replay the moment over and over.

My heart pushes back against my mind because of my casual dismissal that Christin wouldn’t be ready to handle life on the circuit. I recall the lame way I tried to tell her it came out wrong, but Christin didn’t accept it.

Why should she? With a few words, I lost everything. Now she’s going to disappear from my life, and I can’t stop it. An ache spreads through me because the last thing she has of me is that crap I spewed to Dario. Christin is the person who melted my frozen heart. I bark out a short, humorless laugh. “Brilliant job, you arse. You ruined everything, just like they said you would.”

I pace back and forth across the room to release tension. To delay packing. To avoid leaving. It doesn’t help. If anything, it clarifies the vision of what happened in the lounge—the regal way she sauntered in holding a teapot she’d prepared especially for me. I fist my jumper as I recall what I said once about the way Americans brew tea. It wasn’t even a complaint, just an observation.

“This is one area of my life where speed isn’t the ideal outcome.”

After she finishes laughing, she asks, “What is the outcome when it comes to tea?”

“A delicious beverage.”

She leans forward, chin resting on her fist. “Explain to me how pouring hot water over a tea bag is wrong?”

I grin. “You shouldn’t rush it. By using the perfect temperature water, the leaves do what they’re meant to do.”

“Which is what? Genuflect?”

“No, smarty. It allows the water to extract every bit of flavor they can give.”

She didn’t question my sanity or laugh. Then, being the amazing woman she is, she researched proper kettles, different brands of loose-leaf tea, and the best service. The next time she made it, I remember taking a sip and stilling because it tasted like the kind my parents’ servants made me back in the kitchen at my family’s estate.

When I told her it was delicious, she beamed. Like my happiness mattered more than any inconvenience.

My grip tightens even as I try to rip the jumper clenched in my hands. Flinging it down, my breath catches as it all clicks into place with brutal clarity. You spoke about Christin with less respect than they did you. Aloud, I mutter, “When you come from a family of bloody bellends, it’s no surprise you turned out to be a bloody wanker yourself.”

Even speaking the words out loud, I know it’s not strong enough to describe my deplorable behavior toward the woman I’ve been falling for every second we’ve spent together. I cringe at my weak explanation. Lord knows, the very last thing I deserve is her forgiveness, but I need to apologize.

If not today, then soon.

Finishing packing, I toss my duffle over my shoulder as I prepare to vacate her home. After all, as much as I wish I could turn back time, I can’t. The only thing I can do is give Christin the space she requested.

The front door closes behind me with a soft click that echoes as loudly as a shot in the night.

Hitching my duffel onto my shoulder, I start down the long driveway to wait for my Uber. Halfway down, my legs betray me by locking up. Like, if I don’t move, the last hour will be erased by sheer determination.

Oh, to have that happen.

One minute, Dario was teasing me about whether Christin was going to have time to join us on the circuit, and the next, those vile words left my lips. I know deep down in my soul they are patently untrue.