Page 81 of Save a Wish

What’s Beckett doing right now?

I hadn’t expected to hear from him. Why would I? To him, I’d vanished into thin air and because he didn’t know who I really was, how would he find me? Being a secret princess who got dragged back to her country to marry a jerk was a ridiculous tale. Even if Beckett somehow found that out, he’d zoom in on the lying I’d done.

The unforgivable lying.

I had to face the facts and accept that I was not a romance novel heroine. I was not going to get a happily ever after in a lovely small town with my soulmate.

Instead, I’d be chained to someone determined to use me as a gateway to power. I wished I’d never gone to Vermont in a way. Then I would never have known what it was like to be free, to live on my own, to start a business, to make friends.

To fall in love. Truly in love. With a wonderful man who made life fun and joyful and a tremendous adventure.

And I longed for the small things too. Mrs. Hartley’s gingerbread cookie recipe. Hank’s Papa Bear hugs. A leisurely stroll around Slater’s Pond. A meal shared around a table full of incredible people at Hartley’s Nest.

Holding hands with Beckett.

More than holding hands with Beckett.

Thinking about more than holding hands made me worry over what Cian’s expectations were for tonight. After the wedding. When we were officially husband and wife.

Could I fake it again now that I’d sampled a true connection with Beckett?

“Your Highness?” Laoise’s voice paused me in my downward spiral. She and two other ladies held the dress in position for me to put it on.

“Sorry.” I wasn’t sure how long they’d been waiting for me. I stepped into the wide circle of the dress, allowing the ladies to slide it up my legs, over my hips, and up my torso. When the dress rested on my shoulders, its heaviness felt like chains.

Laoise shuffled behind me and began the arduous task of buttoning a million tiny pearl buttons on the back of the dress.

The lace on the sleeves and at the neck were itchy. The bodice was tight around my ribs, making it hard to breathe.

Or was there another reason for that?

Another lady brought over a pair of shoes, bending before me to slip them onto my feet. The heels were too high and my toes were pinched. I instantly wished for my feet to be bare and on my yoga mat as I led a client in a vinyasa sequence.

“If you’ll have a seat, Your Highness,” Laoise said, “we can get this crown in place.”

Another lady carried a velvet cushion. A crown rested atop it. I didn’t recognize it so it had been specially commissioned for the wedding. Silver with an array of rubies set into it, the spiked-peaks design of it reminded me of daggers and the jewels resembled drops of blood.

Fitting because today felt like the murder of the person I could have been.

I lowered onto the seat in front of the vanity table in my room. Laoise lifted the crown from the cushion, her movements slow and careful while the words drop it cycled around in my mind. Seeing it shattered on the floor would have brought me such joy.

Alas, Laoise didn’t drop it. She successfully positioned it on my head, nestling it in the curls Orla had pinned atop my skull. A long, swath of gauzy fabric was attached with a comb to the back of my hair so it trailed behind me and blended in with the train of the dress.

“You look stunning, Your Highness,” Laoise said with the other ladies nodding their agreement.

“Thank you.”

Laoise’s brows lifted. “But, if I may speak frankly?”

“Always.” I turned from the mirror to face her and the others.

“The sadness in your heart is reflected in your eyes,” she said. “I know this is not a marriage you would have chosen, but if you . . .” She worried her bottom lip between her teeth for a moment. “If you wish to stay on your groom’s good side, you’ll have to mask that.”

I nodded slowly. She was right, of course. Cian was all about appearances and if I didn’t play the part in front of the hundreds of people gathered in the royal cathedral, he’d be angry, as would my father.

My mother, I suspected, would be indifferent as always.

“Thank you for the wise counsel, Laoise,” I said. “I shall do my best to sell myself as the blushing bride.”