Page 108 of The Wild Card

“I have to end it.”

“End what?”

“The arrangement. With Emmie.” The words taste like ash. “It was only supposed to last until the transfer situation was resolved. That was the deal. Section 7, Subsection C. Clear end date.”

Foster stares at me. “You’re joking.”

“It’s what we agreed to.”

“Fuck what you agreed to.” He grabs my arm, pulling me toward the break room, away from curious ears. “You’re not seriously going to end things with her because of some bullshit clause you wrote before you knew her?”

“It’s not bullshit. It’s the terms of our arrangement.”

“Crew. Listen to me.” Foster plants himself in front of me, blocking the door. “I’ve watched you fall for this woman in real time. I’ve watched you become an actual human being instead of a tactical robot with a coffee addiction. And now you’re going to throw that away because—what? The paperwork says so?”

“It’s not about the paperwork.”

“Then what’s it about?”

It’s about the fact that she deserves better than me.

It’s about the fact that I tricked her into this in the first place.

It’s about the fact that every day I spend with her, I fall deeper, and when she finally realizes I’m not what she wants—that I can’t give her the family and the future she’s been dreaming about—it’s going to destroy me.

Better to end it now. On my terms. Before she figures out the truth.

“It’s about doing the right thing,” I say.

“The right thing.” Foster laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “The right thing would be telling her how you feel. The right thing would be giving this a real shot instead of hiding behind contracts and clauses.”

“She signed up for a fake relationship. Not a real one.”

“Did you ever ask her what she wants?”

I don’t answer.

“Crew—”

“I have to go.” I push past him toward the door. “I need to… I have to talk to her.”

“Don’t do this.” Foster’s voice follows me down the hall. “You’re going to regret this for the rest of your life.”

He’s probably right.

But I keep walking anyway.

* * *

The drive home takes twenty-three minutes. I count every one of them, trying to figure out what I’m going to say.

The transfer situation has been resolved. Our arrangement has reached its natural conclusion. Thank you for your participation in the agreement.

Too formal.

I think we should go back to being just roommates.

Too casual.