Page 40 of The Vow

“Unless you want to pop open that can of ravioli. We can even share a fork to make it romantic.”

Pulling her back over my lap, I spanked her once. “Smartass,” I said, letting her go. “Halibut it is. I’ll run to the store.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“You don’t have to, baby. I won’t be long.”

“Are you serious?”

“Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean...”

I wanted to bite my tongue until it bled. In an instant, her demeanor changed. It was storming, and like an idiot, I reminded her of the single most tragic event of her life. I watched as she got up and stood by the main window. Arms crossed, she spoke to her reflection when she said, “I knew the second he left that he wasn’t coming home.”

Home sounded like a four-letter word. I thought about the kid who eventually went to the reformatory after committing a string of robberies. On the first day of summer break, we hung out at the park and talked for hours. A cigarette dangled from his mouth when he told me, “I do it on purpose. So I can get away from him.” He was aged beyond his years. “Home’s supposed to be a safe place eh, Pip? I wish my bastard father would die.”

Standing, I approached her. I didn’t touch her. I spoke to her back when I said, “I can’t imagine what you went through. I wish I could take your pain away. I’d do anything to take it away.” The rainwater splashed up from the puddle on the driveway like it was raining in reverse.

“Do you know what’s worse than the Goddamn beeping of the patient monitor?”

She hugged herself and dug her nails into her skin.

“I... no. I don’t.”

Turning towards me, she brought me back in time with her. “When there is no beeping. When it’s off, and the screen is dark, and all you can hear is the boisterous laughter of the hospital staff.”

I was saddened, imagining the scene. Like my father, her husband was taken instantly. “There was no time to say goodbye.”

The phone rang, but we both ignored it. Its ring was vulgar. We felt violated by an inanimate object.

“No. There wasn’t. One kind nurse told me to talk to him anyway. That he could still hear me... give me a break. Please, make it stop!”

Before I could move, the phone stopped ringing. Alex covered her face with her hands and leaned against my chest where my heart was beating furiously. “I’ll be your second set of eyes,” she said, staring up at me. “I’ll watch the road for you. I don’t care how close the store is, but I’m fucking coming with you because I will not lose another man I love.”

In thirty seconds, she changed both our lives. I waited, unwilling to offend her with admissions of love, and romantic sentiments when she had just shared her horrific past, but with her smile, and a subtle nod, she granted me permission. “I fucking love you, Alex. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I fucking love you.”

“Why the hell are you apologizing!?”

“I... I don’t know!”

Our laughter broke through the weariness surrounding us.

“Pip, I...”

“It’s okay,” I said, knowing she could never say the words to her husband. “You already told me.”

Kissing me passionately, she guided me to the carpet. We shared a raw hunger for each other, wanting to leave even our fingerprints behind. As we made love, we were aware of the fragility of life, and were reminded of its beauty, and complexity, and savored each touch, every kiss, because without warning, it could all be taken away.

“You know what?” Her breathing was erratic; a lover’s morse code. “Ravioli doesn’t sound so bad after all.”

Fifteen

“What do you use to make your skin so soft?”

I was holding her from behind and nuzzling her neck while she washed the breakfast dishes. Several times, I’ve tried to get her to use the dishwasher, but she preferred the “old-fashioned way” and said that the mundane task was soothing.

“Baby, I was born this way!” she said, craning her neck for a kiss. “I don’t even have to shave my legs.”

“You don’t?”