Page 2 of Autumn on My Mind

“Come on, now,” he says as he rounds the bar. His wiry gray hair sticks up haphazardly, as messy as it’s always been. “What’s that frown for? You just came back. You’re not happy to see us?”

The words are good-natured, and I don’t want to rain on his parade, so I muster a smile of my own.

“Of course I am,” I say. “I’m just tired.”

It’s my standard excuse. My go-to when I don’t want to share my feelings but can’t quite hide them either.

“Well,” Hal says, shuffling around behind the bar, “let me know if I can make you anything. And in the meantime, tell me how long you’re here.”

“I’ll be in town until my lease starts in Burlington. About six months,” I clarify. Five months and twenty-two days, actually, but who’s counting? I go on, “I didn’t have anywhere to stay in between, so I came back.”

“And your mama, too.”

“And my mother too,” I agree as the image of the negligee draped over the bed flashes into my mind. I grimace and add, “I’m not sure how long she’ll be here. She was in Burlington close to me, but she wanted to come back here after her divorce.”

Hal grunts at this, and although he doesn’t say so, I know it’s a grunt of disapproval.

“Anyway, I’m not having anything right now”—I gesture to the menu written in cheerful handwriting over the bar—“but I’ll let you know if I change my mind!”

“Please do,” Hal says, smiling and accepting my subtle end to the conversation.

Even as he lumbers off and starts cleaning glasses, though, his grunt of disapproval echoes in my mind.

My mother has been back in Autumn Ridge for a month and a half—that’s it. I followed about a month later, when my lease was up.

How can she possibly have found another man already? Is there some sort of database she has access to? Is she on a dating site I don’t know about?

Would it kill her to be alone for a while?

I don’t know how to say these things to her. I’ve said them already, and nothing has gotten through. So when she arrives with some poor man in tow, I’ll probably try to look like I’m happy to be here. I am nothing short of elated, my expression will say. My smile will be warm and genuine.

I think I’m running out of those smiles, and I haven’t even been back in Autumn Ridge that long.

But it’s okay. Even though I don’t need this right now—even though it adds a layer of stress to my life—I’ll be fine.

I’ll be FINE.

I chant this to myself like a cheerleader on pep squad. I need the extra enthusiasm to get me through.

Little tendrils of panic rise like bile in my stomach, and I swallow before digging around in my jacket for my phone. It takes me three seconds to pull up Nate’s number and three more for him to answer.

“Hey,” my brother says when his voice filters down the line. It’s worth mentioning, by the way, that he rarely gets offered any parental advice. Maybe my mother is less skeptical about his ability to take care of himself.

“Hi.” I glance around the cheerfully lit bar in a very sketchy way, like I’m here doing something nefarious or embarrassing. Then I cup my hand around my mouth and speak, hoping Nathan can hear me. “Are you almost here?”

“Ah,” he says, a stilted, awkward sound that has me on alert immediately.

“Oh, no.” I sit straight up, my eyes widening. “No. Don’t you dare.”

“Look,” he says, that little traitor. “I’m not sure I’m going to make it.”

I’m already shaking my head when I respond. “No. You cannot do this to me. We’re meeting a new boyfriend, Nate! You’re going to make me go through that alone?”

“We don’t know it will be a new boyfriend⁠—”

“Oh, please,” I cut him off. “Who else would it be?”

He doesn’t have an answer for that—because he knows I’m right.