Page 27 of Smitty

He didn’t pull away. He didn’t tell her to stop. He kissed her back, and when they were done, he followed her back into the garage. I’d convinced myself he’d moved on. I told myself it didn’t matter, but looking at him now, I started to wonder if I’d been lying to myself.

I think a part of me had always wondered, but I’d never been brave enough to admit it. It was even harder now. Too much time had gone by. Too much had changed. That was clear the second I saw that look in his eyes. I’d seen it before. I knew what it meant, but I did my best to play it off.

I swallowed hard, then muttered, “Brayden.”

The word came out more like a whisper, but it was enough to cause his jaw to flex. He looked at me with wonder in his eyes and replied, “Brooke.”

The way he said my name nearly brought me to my knees. It had been years, and somehow, it still sounded the same, which didn’t make sense, because the man standing in front of me wasn’t that same boy I’d fallen in love with.

He’d grown into a man, broader and stronger, and there was an edge to him that hadn’t been there before, like he’d found his purpose. The years hadn’t just added muscles to his tall frame, but also confidence in the way he carried himself.

But his eyes hadn’t changed.

They were the same blue eyes I’d once gotten lost in, and God help me, he was still just as handsome, maybe even more so. Anslee shifted against my hip, completely oblivious to the fact that her mother was on the brink of falling apart.

She babbled something and smiled at Brayden. That’s when he asked, “What are you doing here?”

“We drove in for the fair… I live in Bryant now.”

Telling him felt odd, like I was explaining my life to a complete stranger instead of the man who’d once known me better than anyone.

“Oh.”

I could see the questions in his eyes, the confusion and disbelief, but before either of us could say anything more, a familiar arm slipped around my waist. Every muscle in my body tensed when Ryan announced, “The line finally died down. We can get her on the carousel now.”

“That’s great.”

“Wide!”

“That’s right, sweetie.” Ryan laughed. “We’re going to ride.”

I couldn’t look at Brayden. I just couldn’t. I knew how this looked. I had a baby, and a man had his hand resting on my waist. I also knew Brayden was watching every second of it. I gave Ryan a smile. “She’s going to love it.”

Ryan finally noticed Brayden standing in front of us, and his smile faded slightly. He gave him a look. It wasn’t exactly hostile, but it wasn’t friendly either. It was the look of a man trying to figure out what was going on between us.

Neither of them said a word, and it was painfully awkward.

I couldn’t do this. Not here. Not in front of Anslee and Ryan, so I forced myself to look at him, the man I’d never truly stopped loving. “It was good to see you, Brayden.”

His expression didn’t change. If anything, it hardened. It wasn’t much, just enough to tell me he hated it as much as I did. I forced a smile as I told him, “I hope you guys have a fun night.”

I thought he might stop me or at least say something, but he simply stood there, silently watching as I turned and started walking toward the carousel with Anslee. Ryan kept his hand on the small of my back, guiding me through the crowd, and when we reached the ride, he handed over the ticket.

We stepped through the gate and up onto the carousel, and I offered Anslee to Ryan as I got up on one of the horses. Once I was settled, he handed her back to me, and she squealed with delight. Ryan laughed, along with every adult around us.

It was a special moment. It was my daughter’s first ride on a carousel, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the look on Brayden’s face when I turned and walked away. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was still standing there, watching us, so I glanced over my shoulder.

I shouldn’t have. I knew that the second I saw that he was standing exactly where I’d left him, and my stomach took a nosedive when I saw that he was staring right at me. That’s when it hit me.

Seeing him again didn’t feel like running into some old boyfriend. It felt like reopening a wound that had never truly healed, and that made my heart ache even more.

I was pulled from my thoughts when the ride lurched forward, and music started to play. Anslee clasped her hands around the pole and squealed yet again. Ryan slipped his arm around my back, making sure we didn’t fall, and he said, “Here we go! Hold on tight, girls.”

He was so protective and reliable, and there was a sense of peace that came with him. I felt it, and I had no doubt Anslee felt it, too. And he was kind and cared about our happiness, which is why he’d stood as lookout, waiting for the line for the carousel to go down.

They were little things, but over time, they added up.

Children around us were smiling and laughing, and Anslee couldn’t have been more excited. That alone should’ve been enough to keep me from looking out into the crowd for Brayden, but it wasn’t.