Page 167 of The Bonds of Indigo

She reaches for my shirt, gripping it tight, and the directness of the gesture surprises me.

“Lucifer, I need you to understand something.”

“Hurry, dollface. They know we’re here.”

She nods quickly. “My life means nothing to me.”

The words hit hard enough that I shake my head immediately.

“Kayn is all that matters. I would die in this room if it meant he got home safe… with you. He deserves that.”

My mouth parts to speak aloud, but she continues before I can form a single word.

“Your father scares me. If he didn’t, I’d be an idiot. And that’s one thing I’m not. But it isn’t because I fear death. It’s because he could take the one thing I’ve come to care about more than my own life and anyone’s I’ve ever met.”

She looks at me, and the sadness in her expression hits me with the same force as the night I left Kayn. That same sickening drop in my gut, that vow-never-to-feel-this-again sensation.

“Protect Kayn above everything, above me, because if anything happens to him… I’d follow him into whatever fate he’s given.”

“He’s safe, Amarah.”

She shakes her head. “You know what I mean.”

And in this moment, I do. Perfectly.

“I’m fully capable of protecting you both.”

Her smile is warm, but the stillness behind it is chilling. “If that were the case… you’d never have left him in the first place.”

She puts her hand over mine and pushes the door open before I can drag this conversation on any longer. Images flash behind my eyes—Kayn on his knees, my father looming over him—and a chill runs through me.

“I did what was right for him,” I slip in as I step through the doorway with her into the large dining hall.

What surprises me is that I can hear emotion in her words through the link. Everyone’s mental voice comes through calm, nearly monotone.

But not hers.

I hear every emotion. Including the pain as she says, “He deserved the truth. What you did wasn’t right for him… and you know it. You took the easy way out. The coward’s way.”

Chapter 43

“It’s easy, Mara. Breathe slowly through your nose, search for your heartbeat, and calm it. If you must, reach for magic to help. But if you’re ever in a place where Vendra cannot provide, you can still do it yourself.”

My dad’s smile was always so calming. It made everything easier.

“Don’t think of why your body reacts. Think of how you can take control of it.”

I miss him so much it hurts.

“Love you, Mara darling. Control the one thing you can: Yourself.”

Losing one’s family is tragic already.

But losing them when they loved you with a fierceness that shaped every part of you? That’s pure torture. However, regardless of their fate, it’s moments like this, standing face-to-face with the ruler of the Beyond, when I am reminded of everything they gave me.

I steady my breathing and slowly seize control of my heartbeat. I’m proud of myself when Belial lifts his massive head and my pulse doesn’t even stutter. I don’t falter—not even as the woman beside him turns her blue eyes, flecked with gold, onto me.

She’s breathtaking in a godlike way. An oval face framed by dark black hair, poised and elegant. I can see so much of Lucifer in her—the nose, the cheekbones, the structure softened only by femininity.