Page 16 of Slow Hands Cowboy

Just the one time.

Just the one time, and then it was forever.

Just the one time, and then she would be a wife, not a bride, and everything would be settled.

It was like winning the game.

Because she wasn’t her mom, she hadn’t gotten married so young that she would wonder what else was out there, she had waited an appropriate amount of time, had given the relationship enough time to breathe before committing to walk down the aisle. And everything was going perfectly.

All the signs and synchronicity were working just as they should. Just as they had the entire time.

The wedding was coming together perfectly, and it had never been in danger of not coming together perfectly, no matter how many times she had changed things.

This morning was just another little hiccup.

That same little hiccup that had made her change the menu, the same little hiccup that had made her tweak the decorations, the settings, the exact venue, the mood.

And everything that she had asked to be changed, Walker had accommodated her.

And her fears had been quieted.

Because the wedding had to be perfect, and it was going to be.

And if something had fallen apart, maybe it would’ve been a sign that this wasn’t the –

This wasn’t the right thing.

She imagined her home, her life with Alan. How could she be having doubts? How could she even let herself consider that this might not be the right thing?

She couldn’t.

Because that was insane.

She had invested so many years of her life in this relationship, and they had a beautiful home, a beautiful life, and it was moving into being a bigger life, a more permanent life.

And maybe the fear of change was normal.

Maybe this little bit of uncanny valley, out-of-body experience before doing something that she couldn’t even imagine, was normal.

No, no maybe about it, it was normal. All of this was normal.

And it was not an action item.

She smiled broadly. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” her bridesmaids chorused cheerfully.

“How are you doing?” Anna asked.

“Good,” she lied.

Maybe it wasn’t a lie. Maybe it was perfectly reasonable that she was feeling a little bit of disquiet.

Maybe it was perfectly reasonable that she felt uncertain.

Because this was a big deal, and she was treating it like a big deal. Yes. That was it. It was normal.

Only people who didn’t take marriage seriously would feel completely settled on the day of their wedding. Anybody else would be sitting around thinking of the gravity of it.