Page 95 of The Best I Never Had

When the bridge hits, her eyes find me, so unflinchingly that I know she knew my location from the start. The lyrics of the song break through, ones I could have sung before this moment, but that feel new from Thea’s lips. Her eyes are sad, and when she holds my gaze for the last line of the bridge, I feel like my heart has been ripped out. Because no, the idea of her loving me is nowhere near the worst thing I’ve ever heard, and I don’t understand why she’d think it was.

By the end of the bridge, she’s looked away, back to performing for the crowd instead of me, and there’s ice in my veins.

The bridge hits even harder the second time. It’s equal parts wistful and angry, and it’s so perfectly Thea that I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to listen to the original again. A tear slips from the corner of Thea’s eye, and she swipes it away like she’s pissed it’s there to begin with.

An eternity passes before the song ends, and Thea laughs into the microphone. “It’s a bop, but damn if it’s not emotional, right?”

She asks the question to the rest of the band, like directing attention to them will make everyone else ignore her obvious reaction.

“Hell yeah, it is,” Gabriel says, smiling at her with a bit of concern in his eyes as his mother once again yells, “Language.” Gabriel just laughs. “How about we give this gorgeous woman’s vocal cords a break? It means y’all have to deal with Roy’s pitchiness, but she deserves it after that killer song.”

Thea steps away from the mic, and Roy immediately takes her place. Gabriel’s happy-go-lucky mask slips as he meets her at the side of the stage, whispering something to her. Thea’s face is somber as she nods, then she smiles slightly before slipping off the stage and disappearing through the back of the ballroom.

I’m on her trail in seconds, dodging family left and right until I’m in the hallway. She’s just about to pass the closet where she rewrote every expectation I have for a sexual experience when I catch up, grabbing her arm and tugging her inside with me.

Her face is wet, and it sends a sharp pang through me. I place my hands on either side of her neck and wipe the tears away with my thumbs.

“Talk to me,” I say, meaning it to come out soft, but there’s a harsh desperation in my voice. I know what she’s going to say even before she opens her mouth.

“This has been the most incredible week of my life,” she says, a little hiccup interrupting her sentence and giving me the chance to break in.

“No,” I say, shaking my head. “We’re not doing that.”

She laughs as more tears escape the corners of her dark eyes. “You said to talk to you.”

“But not to say this. We’re not done.”

“We can’t tell your mom—”

“Thea, no.”

“—without making issues for Addy, and I can’t do that,” she finishes like I didn’t speak at all.

“Please. Please don’t do this.”

“She cares so much about what people think about her, and it’s my fault. I was the one who kept ripping her away from home after home and made her terrified of losing people’s approval. It’s the consequences of my own actions. She’ll never be happy if your mom decides she doesn’t approve of her.”

“What about you?” I ask. “Don’t you deserve to be happy?”

Her smile is so sad, and I want to gather her in my arms and make the hurt go away. “I’ll never be happy if I’ve caused her unhappiness.”

I shake my head, my fingers sliding up into her hair. “There has to be a way to make it work.”

“You can’t tell your mom the truth. I need you to promise me you won’t tell her. Please, do this for me?”

This isn’t for her. She’s sacrificing her own desires out of a sense of obligation to Addy, and it’s making me see red. But I won’t betray her, so against every desire and instinct, I nod.

She smirks, and the artificiality of the expression feels like knives dragged down my back. “You’ll be fine. It’s easy to get caught up when you’re related to every other woman at the wedding. There’s a beautiful, smart, kind girl waiting for you back home who will take over your mind so completely that you won’t even remember the hot girl you had a wild fling with in North Carolina.”

I’m already losing her, watching as she slips back into that shell of self-deprecation, and it makes me sick. My hands tighten in her hair, tugging her another inch closer to me. “Don’t fucking do that. Don’t dismiss the way I feel about you. You may walk away from me, but I’ll never stop wanting you. I’ll spend the rest of my life begging Addy for scraps of your life, praying that you’ll show up at the next family event at her side. You are not replaceable.”

“Owen.”

She says my name like a benediction, but I’m the one who wants to worship her. It takes only the slightest pressure on the back of her head to bring our lips together. It’s messy and desperate, and the way she moans into my mouth has me making vows in my mind she doesn’t want to hear. I don’t care how long it takes. If it’s months or years or decades. I’ll make sure we find our way back to each other.

She pushes against my body, never taking her lips from mine as she backs me against the shelves. Her hands come to the buckle of my belt while I grab her leg, hitching it around my waist as I grind into her. She’s perfect for me, and I slide my hand up her leg until I’m grasping her ass. She gasps into my mouth as she frees me from my pants, her hand closing around my aching cock.

“I need you,” she whispers against my lips as she slips my wallet from my back pocket, and I’m so relieved I replaced the condom there.