Page 68 of The Best I Never Had

“Look, so far, all I’ve done since I arrived is screw up. I was late to the welcome party; sat in the damn cake; caused drama because everyone thinks I dated Owen; showed up to her shower late, dressed like a gremlin and with no gift; and started fucking her soon-to-be brother-in-law behind her back. So yeah, I think it’s fair for me to let go of this one interaction.”

“An interaction that hurt you,” he says. “I can hear it in your voice.”

Yeah, it hurt. It hurts to know I’m not good enough for her when all I want is to have a place in her family and her future, but I won’t find that place by causing even more drama. The idea of pushing for a conversation and alienating her further makes me feel sick. What if she asks me to leave and I miss the chance to see her walk down the aisle?

“You deserve to speak your truth, Thea,” Vaughn says. “Give her a chance to prove you wrong.”

“I find it very inconvenient that you’ve gotten into therapy. Can’t you just let me sit in my unhealthy behaviors?”

He laughs, and the familiar sound brings my stress levels down some. “I know you don’t like conflict—”

“What are you talking about?” I interrupt. “I’m constantly arguing with people.”

“People you don’t care about. But you avoid it with us, me and Addy. There are plenty of times I’ve pissed you off and you don’t say anything.”

“Not tr—”

“Yes, it is. You can be mad at us and yell at us if we deserve it. We aren’t going anywhere.”

There’s a lump in my throat preventing me from answering him. Shit, he’s right. It’s what I just did with Addy. Instead of staying and explaining why what she said hurt me, I ran, too scared that if I showed my anger, it’d push her away like everyone else in my past.

“You okay?” Vaughn asks.

“Ish?” I squeak out.

“If you promise you’ll think about what I said, I’ll distract you with a batshit story.”

I accept, and that’s how I end up spending the next thirty minutes listening to a story about how an old hookup of Vaughn’s got the keys to his apartment, let herself in, and presented herself—naked—on his bed for when he came home. Unfortunately, he’d also brought home the new guy he was seeing, and when she saw them both, she said she was willing to share. Vaughn paused just a beat too long before saying no and scared his date off.

I’m laughing so hard I’m sure it can be heard all the way down the hall, and I feel lighter than I have since I arrived in North Carolina. And with Owen’s assurances of Addy’s love for me and Vaughn’s encouragement to be honest about my feelings, I feel strong enough to pull on my big-girl pants and go talk to my sister.

Chapter 21

THEA

Just over two hours have passed since this door slammed behind me, and a little part of me—okay, a large part—wants to run. The rap of my fist sets off a round of nausea inside me. I wait. And wait. And wait.

I’m put out of my misery when the door cracks open and Addy’s face appears. She’s still in her gown, but her eyes are bloodshot and swollen. I’m not sure what’s stronger: the petty relief that she’s upset, too, or the surge of guilt that I’ve upset her during her special week.

She inches the door open, leaving just enough room for me to squeeze inside, and the nausea kicks back up in full force. I don’t know how this conversation’s going to go. If she’s going to apologize or demand an apology of me or just straight up call me an asshole and uninvite me to the wedding. But Vaughn’s right, I can’t keep running away from the hurt.

I planned it out in my head before coming to her room. Calmly explain why what she said bothered me, peeling the layers back so she can see why it hit so many of my soft spots. Instead, I blurt, “Do you hate me, too?”

That’s the crux of it. I’ve always known Addy wanted more than me—more family and love and support—but I thought she wanted more on top of me, not instead. In my head, we’ve always been a team, a pair of sailors managing our tiny boat, equally vital to keep it from sinking. Now, I wonder if she looks at me as a liability, someone poking holes in the bottom while she’s frantically trying to reach shore.

Addy’s body jolts. “Hate you?”

“L-like her?” I stutter out. “Do you hate me like you hate Mom?”

“What?” she asks, her eyes flashing. “Why would you even ask that?”

I’m lightheaded, everything in me screaming to get out. Leave before you drive her away like everyone else. I never should have brought this up. It would have been so easy to apologize. We could have gone through the rest of this week like nothing happened, and we’d have been fine.

You deserve to speak your truth, Thea, Vaughn whispers in my ear. Give her a chance to prove you wrong.

Owen’s soft voice echoes. How could she know you as well as she does and not love you?

I push past the sinking sensation in my gut. “You don’t want the necklace because you’re focusing on your new family instead of the one you could never rely on. That’s what you said. I’m your family. I’m the one you want to leave in the past.”