Page 105 of The Best I Never Had

“But it’s not just them. It’s your future with Harrison, too.”

“I wouldn’t trade you for that either, but luckily I’ll never have to pick. He’d never ask that of me because he knows how much I love you. Things with Diana may not be what I was hoping for, but that’s her fault, not yours. She’s the one who chose not to have a relationship with us. And I think she’s going to regret it, because you’re the best person I know.”

I nudge her with my knee, unable to stop the little smile curving my mouth. “Stop.”

“No, seriously!” She moves back to the seat next to me, tucking my curls behind my ear. “I hate that I’ve made you think there’s something wrong with you when you’re incredible. You’re hilarious and kind and loyal and perfect.”

“I’m really not. You’re the perfect one.”

“I try to be.” Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. “But I’m broken. God, I’m just so fucking broken.”

Her voice cracks on the words, and my instinct is to jump in, to fix it. I want to tell her that one difficult week during an extremely stressful time doesn’t make her broken. But the pain on her face tells me this isn’t new, that maybe there are feelings Addy’s hidden even from me, and brushing off those emotions—even in an attempt to help—will just make her feel worse.

“Addy.” I take her hand back between mine as she blinks up at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “This isn’t about me. It’s about you.”

“It’s about us,” I say, squeezing her hand. “You’re a pretty important part of us. How are you broken?”

The inhale is shaky, and for a second I don’t think she’ll answer. “I don’t let people in because I’m terrified that when they see how messy I am, they’ll run away screaming, and then I get angry that no one cares about knowing me. I ask for your help trying to connect with the family, then resent you for becoming close with them. I worship you, then get jealous of the things I idolize.”

I jolt at that statement. We’ve always been close, but I thought it was because I was the only consistent thing in her life. The idea that Addy—smart, capable, level-headed Addy—wants to be like me is incomprehensible.

Addy swipes away a tear. “I wish I was comfortable in my skin the way you are. You say what you think, and people love you for it. Meanwhile, I’m frozen, so nervous about saying something wrong that I don’t end up saying anything at all. I’ve always wanted to be like you. I watched you with the Ellises all week, and seeing how those traits I’ve always tried—and failed—to imitate got this family to accept you … I think I started resenting you without realizing it. It wasn’t fair.”

Her tears are falling in earnest now, a half dozen emotions warring on her face. Guilt and exhaustion and embarrassment and hurt. Regret. Loneliness.

“I’m not the easiest person to get to know,” Addy continues through her tears. “I convinced myself that you being so open and wonderful was the reason they weren’t getting to know me, but it wasn’t you. It was me. And I hurt the most important person in my life because I was too scared to admit I’m the problem. I’m so sorry, Tia.”

Warmth blossoms in my chest at her apology even as a knot forms in my throat. I hate that she’s been fighting this without me, that I haven’t been able to help her through it. Our fight hurt me in so many ways, but I can see her words for what they were—pain and fear, just like all those times I lashed out when I was younger.

There’s more for us to work through, but there’s one vital thing I need Addy to know before anything else. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re really easy to love.”

She lets out another sob. “Stop being nice when I was such a bitch to you.”

“I love you. And Harrison loves you, more than I knew was possible. And the rest of them will come around if you open yourself up a bit. Just pretend they’re me. Lord knows you’ve never had a hard time telling me how you feel.”

I laugh as Addy groans and drops her head to my shoulder. “I’d never forgive me.”

“Well, lucky for both of us, I’m not you.”

Addy pulls back to meet my gaze. “Please come back. I can’t get married without you. You’re my family, my true family.”

I force a tight smile. “I’m fine. I want you to have the beautiful wedding you’ve imagined with no mother-in-law drama. You go, take a million pictures, and show them to me at brunch or something when you get back from your honeymoon.”

Addy’s eyes rove over my face. “Yeah, that’s not happening.”

She taps at her phone before holding it up, showing a ticket for the same flight I’m scheduled to be on.

My eyes go wide. “Addy, you can’t be serious.”

“Dead serious. Either we go back to Elk Ridge together, or we go back to Florida together.”

A short laugh bursts out of me. “This is blackmail. Wait, extortion?”

Her nose scrunches up. “Coercion, maybe?”

A flurry of nerves erupts in my stomach. I want to go back, more than I could possibly say. I want to watch Addy walk down the aisle and hold her bouquet while she pledges her life to Harrison.