Page 83 of I Punched an Alien and Now We’re in Couples Therapy

Biwban tried to intercept and blasted at the dinosaur, trying to get it to turn. But the low voltage of the ray guns did absolutely nothing against the beast’s thick hide. A spear embedded itself into the engine of a hovercraft, and its rider was ejected out. Short teal wings worked furiously as the Biwban tried to right itself from crashing into the ground, only for both of them to be ripped off when Sunbeam’s children descended upon the easy target.

The titanstalk slammed itself against the side of the tower, trying to get away from the incoming warriors. A rain of debris scattered around the beast before it wailed, thrashing harder against the now-decimated building before kicking a path through the wall and escaping. The tower groaned like a dying beast before it sagged to one side. Windows burst, spraying the yard with glass. Equipment, files, and various machinery spewed out into the yard. Frantic Biwban flew out of the tower as sirens blared.

Something floated out of the higher floors of the tower. At first, I only saw it as a shape in the haze of smoke. The wind changed, carrying the stench of salt, sea air, and something almost rotten.

Whatever it was, the Biwban recognized it instantly and ceased fighting. Those engaged with their hovercrafts immediately flew up out of the Sankado’s reach and waited as the being floated down to the floor. Our forces paused to look at the strange shape. Even Sunbeam, full of bloodlust as she was, felt compelled to pause in the presence of something so fundamentally other.

Its body was an undulant hemisphere with skin as clear as glass. When it drew closer, I could see dense shimmering innards lining its center. Flanking it were half a dozen winglike appendages full of long white feathers. They moved more like tentacles than wings. I noticed the underside had a darker line that ended in curled barbs. As it moved, it pulsed and flexed in a sequence that made the creature appear to roll rather than walk. It stilled at the base of the ruined tower.

A rather fat Biwban flew next to it before bowing low, speaking to it in frantic hushed tones. The creature’s limbs rose in front of it as each of them began to pulse with color—green, yellow, purple, ultraviolet blue, red, purple, red, red. A pulse of light began to accompany the red. I looked away to soothe the sudden ache in my eyes.

Whatever it said, the effect was instantaneous. All remaining Biwban dropped their weapons and formed a line of neat rows in front of the being. The plump Biwban next to it placed his head to the ground and continued to speak in hushed tones. This time a hiss accompanied the creature’s red flash, and the chattering Biwban fell silent.

“This is it,” I heard a woman shout from the crowd. “That must be the auditor!”

The chanting began anew; this time all the women joined in.

“We want justice!”

“We demand rights!”

The auditor rose higher in the air. Its wings moved horizontally in front of it as if it were treading water instead of air. A ray of colors appeared in patterns around the bands on its feathers, random at first, then in the rhythm that matched the cadence of the humans’ chanting. It flew over the Biwban to land closer to our forces, then raised one wing over its dome, curling the tip in a spiral. The women fell silent, but none of us knew what to do next.

It occurred to me that it may still not understand us. Back when I was given my own translator symbiote, the Biwban that gave it to me explained that both parties must receive the same type of symbiote for the translation to work. The woman may have shown them that we are capable of speech, but someone would have to kiss the hideous creature for it to understand us.

Ah. A representative, that’s what it needs. Dread crawled up my spine at the thought of going anywhere near such an alien creature, but fear has no place in the heart of the king.

I steeled myself and stepped forward, but of course, my wicked creature beat me to it. Blair marched right up to it without fear.

I ran to her, but Lok caught me with an arm to my chest. I met his gaze, and he shook his head, urging me to still. He tilted his head in Blair’s direction again, and I saw it.

I was supposed to be the one. The king to unite this world under one banner. To guide the Sankado into the dawn of a new era where we could work together to defeat this impossible threat of the Biwban that destroyed our home. But when I looked at the crowd, full of humans and Sankado alike, all eyes were on Blair. It was her. It was always meant to be her.

Despite her small stature, Blair stood so tall her spine could be mistaken for a sword, unbending. She raised her chin to the auditor, and for a moment I was reminded of the high seer: defiant, ungovernable, the pillar that remained constant, surrounded by the ghosts of a hundred fallen dynasties.

She beckoned the auditor closer.

Terror had me bolting for her when the auditor pounced on her, all six wings wrapping her small frame in a tight embrace.

Blair’s body went rigid, her back arching. I tore its wings off her back and shoved her behind me, ready to drive my fists straight through the auditor’s see-through body and tear out the beating appendage I was sure was its heart.

Behind me, Blair choked and sputtered. “It Frenched me!” she coughed. “Son of a bitch, tastes like shrimp chips!”

“Are you all right?” I asked, refusing to take my eyes off the auditor.

Blair wiped her mouth on her sleeve. “I’m fine, it was just nasty.”

A soft, lyrical voice came from the auditor. “Can you understand what I’m saying?”

“Yes!” Blair whirled around to address the auditor. “Yes, we can understand you. Please tell me you’re the auditor.”

Yellow and blue lights flickered over its body. “I am indeed an auditor.” Flashes of red appeared on two of his lower wings that pointed at the plump Biwban that was still bowing behind it. I didn’t miss how the little bird shivered. “I came here to find evidence of potential misuse of funds committed by the researchers assigned here. Would anyone care to explain why what we were informed to be a class C species is capable of having a conversation with me?”

“Oh, I’ve got notes if you’ve got the time.” Blair smiled. She stuck her hand on her hip and raised a finger with each point. “First of all, as you can see, we can speak just fine. Meaning we’re a class A species, not class C. Second, I may not know much about alien rules of practice, but on my planet, we don’t put sapient species through horrible life-threatening experiments or operate on them without their consent—”

The bowing Biwban lifted its head to stutter, “You don’t understand, we—”

The auditor silenced him with a flick of a red-tipped wing.