Page 71 of I Punched an Alien and Now We’re in Couples Therapy

Blair’s laughter rang through the metal death tube.

“Don’t laugh! What is that thing?” I asked, jumping onto the back seat.

“It’s just a pug!” she cackled. “A pet, darlin’, she can’t hurt you.”

So she said, yet the diminutive creature, and the woman on the other end of its leash, radiated malice.

I lowered myself off the seat and lit a fireball in one hand. “I swear on my father’s grave, if either of you move before this train stops, I will incinerate you.”

The old woman and pug cackled together, which was so much worse than the pug’s mutilated barking. I kept my fire trained on them both until the metal doors finally opened again.

When I reached her concourse, I shoved past the ticketing line. How many ticketing lines did an airport need? I ran down the hall onto the airplane, where I found Blair strapped to a chair. There was a blinking timer next to her with numbers outlined in red that counted down from one hundred.

When she saw me, her face lit up in a glorious smile that I felt all the way down to my hooves. “Took you long enough.”

I was at her side in an instant. I retrieved the knife from my belt and sliced through her restraints. The overhead voice droned:

“Final boarding call.”

With a beep, the timer shaved off precious minutes until only ten seconds remained. Blair let out an indignant shout when she saw it.

I didn’t hesitate, hauling her against me as I kissed her, deep and desperate. When her hands weaved their way into my locks; I groaned, squeezing her tighter to me as if I could fuse our bodies together through sheer will.

For a heartbeat, we were merely lost in each other, tasting and petting exactly as I dreamed of doing since the moment I laid eyes on her.

“You infuriating little wretch,” I murmured against her lips.

She bit mine in response, tugging at my bottom lip before her tongue slid against my own, tasting me deep. My knees buckled, and I had to steady myself against the seat as I returned her passion in kind.

“I forgive you,” she said between kisses. “Start over with me—”

“Yes,” I interrupted her before she could even finish. “Yes, gods, please—”

BOOM.

I broke us apart and shielded her behind me. Outside the windows of the plane, the sky erupted in great bursts of light. The ground split open, and a stone wall rose from the ground. The wall was broken up into segments; each one of them held a watchtower with a glowing beacon that lit up the night sky. Horns blared, and bursts of fire shattered into multicolored displays along the sky.

Behind me, Blair laughed uncontrollably, clutching at her sides before she fell to the floor. I looked from her to the display outside. Wiping a tear from her eye, she sat up and peered out the window. “They did it, they actually built me my beacon!”

“Your what?”

The overhead voice spoke through the speakers. “Subject 12, have you reached your season for males?”

Blair screamed, howling in laughter before she fell to the floor again.

Chapter 28

Osid

Most of the accommodations at The Crucible were unfit for beasts, let alone a king and queen. Each night my back howled accusations of cruel and unusual punishment at the barren cots and rags I was meant to sleep on. The honeymoon suite, however, was a different animal entirely. The walls were lined with richly carved wood paneling, a soft-blue plasterwork ceiling adorned with what I could only assume was some other species of flying humans. The walls were accented with rich tapestries of couples intertwined in loving embraces, and elegant crystal vases were filled with dozens of red roses. Both the floor and incredibly oversized bed had rose petals artfully scattered across them. After such a trying start, the sight of such an inviting room was a welcome reprieve.

Until my queen got ahold of it.

Blair crouched on all fours on top of the bed. The sight of her ass hoisted high in the air was enough to fill my dreams for millennia, if it weren’t for the fact that she was goring every decorative pillow with a hair pin. She sat up and yanked the pillow apart with her hands, sending feathers flying in all directions. She searched the scattered fluff and found nothing, then tossed the ruined pillow to the floor and tried the next.

Leaning against the doorframe, I sipped a beverage she called champagne and watched her maul away. “Any chance we could keep one or two of those?”

She looked back at me with a confused expression, then huffed. “All right, fine, but check these two without breaking them,” she said, tossing two pillows at my hooves. She hopped off the bed and half crawled underneath it. Her voice came out muffled as she said, “There’s no way there’s not some hidden camera in here, and I’m not doing a damn thing until I find it.”