Page 69 of I Punched an Alien and Now We’re in Couples Therapy

Scientists said it was their larger lungs due to living high in the sky. Zealots said it was their penance for grievances only the gods knew. The press said it was a terrorist attack committed by the enemies of the empire.

Endless theories, endless think pieces and pointing fingers, all of them wrong. Who would have thought the end of the world would be brought about by the gross negligence of an alien fuel company?

The fucking absurdity.

“Now keep your eyes closed and take two steps forward.”

“This is ridiculous,” I said. Yet I kept my eyes closed as I put one hoof in front of the other and stepped forward.

Blair kept her voice soft as she continued. “There is a metal pole by your left hand. Grab on to it and brace yourself.”

I reached out to find it, but the train lurched forward, my balance betrayed me. I staggered, tail flailing, and crashed into a seat, right into the lap of an elderly woman, who was sent to the floor.

“I probably should’ve mentioned that you could open your eyes now,” Blair snickered.

“Silence.”

“You knocked that granny clear off her chair—”

“I said silence, woman.”

But despite myself, the sound of her laughter even now finally put an end to the screams of the dead. Tension left my body until I could sit comfortably in the seat I’d unceremoniously claimed. The jingle of her Tamagotchi hit me through the speakers of the feather, and I smiled.

“Really? The sight of your king knocking into the elderly is what wins your heart?” I asked wryly.

Blair sniffed. “Maybe I just like a man who listens.”

“Of course you do, Venomous Thing.” She might have been the only being on this planet brave enough to order me around with no fear. My advisors made suggestions, and my men were never so cowed as to keep their grievances silent, but there was still a fierce order to our chain of command. There needed to be if we were to survive on such a harsh planet.

The beginning was lawless. Brothers tore at each other for scraps. After so much panic and death, being released onto a new world with a host of new dangers was too much for an already broken people.

Fear had been the favored method of control for many leaders, but it was never mine. Survival doesn’t care about preferences, nor has it ever spared a soft heart. As king, my duty was to provide by any means necessary. So I built my walls high and hardened my heart. Dulba’s gates remained open to all who needed shelter, but loyalty was the payment. Traitors were silenced, thieves were cast out, and I became the tyrant of the new world.

Things were a little more lax on Sankatul. The duties of leadership were more spread out among my council, and burdens could be shared among my extended royal family. Betrayal and backstabbing were still par for the course in the ever-changing fight for power, yet still, with all of them gone, I didn’t realize how heavily I relied on them to share the weight of the crown.

The only remaining council member from before the Calamity was Jivorn, who I thought I could trust above all else. But if Blair was telling the truth, and he had meant to kill me, then…I had no one. Not one person on this gods forsaken planet who didn’t want to use or kill me.

No one except a frustrating little human who couldn’t give less of a shit about my position or duties.

Blair’s head cocked to the side, and she looked me up and down with a small smile. “You feeling better? I thought you might pass out with how green you were looking earlier.”

To my surprise, I answered honestly. “Still a bit shaken. It feels like I’m in the belly of a beast.”

She considered my words for a moment and said, “You might have motion sickness. Lie down on the bench and put your knees up. The ride will be over soon, but that position should make you less nauseous.”

When I did as instructed, she let out a pleased giggle. “Maybe this pairing isn’t doomed to fail. I like watching you do as I say.”

I closed my eyes, letting her voice drown out the sound of the train. Vulnerability was a luxury for the weak, yet with her…“I like doing as you say.”

The Tamagotchi dinged, and I looked at the screen to see Blair staring back at me, wide-eyed. Her lush mouth hung open in clear surprise, and the sight of it had my cock reminiscing about her lips around its girth. I pushed the memory away, not wanting to ruin the moment, and we sat in companionable silence as the Tamagotchi’s song filled the train.

When we reached Concourse D, I exited and followed Blair’s instructions, running down a crowded hallway.

“WAIT, WAIT!” Blair screamed.

I pitched forward, nearly falling over again as my hooves screeched against the polished floor. Looking around wildly, I asked, “What? What’s happened?”

“Break open that vending machine and grab me hot Cheetos and a Dr. Pepper. The Cheetos are the bag with the orange animal in the bottom row.”