Page 30 of Shattered In Darkness

She pulls open her closet, clothes everywhere. “Pick a dress,” she says. “Something slutty.”

I laugh. “You know me.”

We dig through the fabrics, sequins and velvet, and cheap silk. I pick a dress barely long enough to cover my ass, cut low in front. It’s red, of course.

Look at me. Look at me. Hurt me, hate me, want me.

Sophie’s choice is sleeker, darker blue, straps thin. She plops onto her vanity stool and starts curling her hair. She hands me a brush. “You sure you’re okay?”

There it is again. That soft edge, that worry. I hate it. I love it. It makes me want to scream.

I paste on a smile. “I’m fine, Soph. Seriously.”

She doesn’t push.

I pile on more makeup: more concealer, more contour, darker lipstick to hide the shaking in my mouth. My hands are not steady, but I make it work.

We talk about nothing. A guy she’s seeing. A show on TV. I make jokes, crack them too loud. It’s the coke, probably. Everything feels like it’s vibrating. Inside, the loneliness is deafening, but from here you’d never know.

Brody knocks once on the door but doesn’t wait for permission before walking in. He’s changed into a black button-up, the sleeves rolled, and dark pants. He looks expensive, controlled, and dangerous. He could break me in half without blinking.

He surveys us, eyes lingering on the top of my tits, then my face. I pretend not to notice, but heat pools under my skin. I remember what it’s like when he touched me. He fucked like a wild animal, especially when he was angry. Sometimes I think that was the only time I was ever alive.

He grunts. “You ready?”

Sophie laughs. “Almost. What’s the rush?”

He scans me again. Judging. Always fucking judging.

I smirk at him. “You going to be able to keep up, or do you want to stay home and knit?”

He steps closer, stands too close. The room shrinks. “Try me, Bambi.”

The nickname is a punch in the gut. He used to say it when he was sweet to me. Now it’s an insult.

You’re so pretty, Bambi. My pretty girl.

We could lay here forever, Bambi. You make me feel so complete.

Come close Bambi, you know you want to.

Do you think we’ll find each other again in the stars, Bambi? After we die? I don’t want to be apart from you. Not ever.

I lift my chin, refusing to shrink. “Don’t call me that.”

“Whatever you say.”

Sophie rolls her eyes. “God, you two are hopeless.”

I watch him as he turns away. My body is reacting, even if my mind is chaotic. My nipples are tight, my thighs ache. I want him to pin me to the wall and say how much he hates me. I want him to break me open so I can finally feel something that isn’t this.

Sophie pulls on a coat and checks herself in the mirror. “You look amazing, Lo.”

I don’t, but maybe she believes it. Maybe if I say it enough, it’ll be true.

Brody waits in the hall, arms folded, the way cops do before raiding a house. I head out first, brushing past him. He catches my arm for a second, his grip bruising me, but lets go just as fast.

He leans in, voice low for my ear only. “You don’t have to try so hard, you know. Everyone already knows what you are.”