Page 40 of Cruz

I don’t want to get elated over Sloane’s unhappiness, or at least at her being unsettled. I’m not happy about that, but it does give me a terrible burst of hope.

“Maybe she is worried about me, and she doesn’t want to fight about it, so she’s not gonna mention it.” Liam starts to pace, walking around the edges of the mats. “I don’t think that’s it, but I can’t think of anything else. Maybe I should look into taking some college classes. That might make her feel better. Or I could talk to Tyrant about apprenticeships. Do you think that’s what it is?”

I need to stop. Stop thinking, stop feeling, stop hoping. Stop those dreams, stop the warmth that could crush me, stop the way I can’t fucking breathe half the time. Is she missing me the way I’m missing being around her?

I push those thoughts aside, and shrug. “Maybe. You can’t expect her to adjust right away. What happened scared her. She’s probably still worried but trying to manage it and do her best for your sake.”

Liam’s face gets a pinched look. “You don’t have to tell me how much my mom gave up for me. I know it. I’ll always feel bad that I made her worry.”

“I didn’t mean to imply there’s some kind of debt. You’re her son. Of course she sacrificed for you. Maybe… just talk to her?”

His face relaxes. He eyes me up and down before his gaze settles on my knee. He doesn’t expect me to have answers, not when I’m normally so quiet. I don’t have answers. Not for him, and not for myself.

“Are you wearing a brace?”

“I am.” It’s one of the flexible kinds from the stores that carry stuff like that, for sports injuries and for old people. I do have a proper brace that I wore after my injury but using that would force me to admit to myself that I have a problem. I’m good at denial. Case in point, Sloane.

“Jesus. I didn’t know it was that bad. I guess career ending legit means career ending. At least you ended up in a good place.”

“Ended?”

Liam laughs. “You know what I mean. I’m not trying to call you old, but you are kind of old.”

“There’s lots of life to be lived yet.” I haven’t had a spiteful bone in my body, ever, but part of me wants to tack on with your mom in a completely childish tone. The other half of me wants to say it and just have it out and see what Liam thinks about it.

“True,” Liam says and claps me on the shoulder. “I’m glad that we’re gonna be club brothers. I always wanted a real one. Even if you’re fucking ancient, you’re alright.”

I clap him back hard, and then sweep my leg under his, sending him sprawling down onto the mat, flat on his ass. His face twists in shock and rage for a split second, and then he throws back his head and laughs.

“I get it. You can still kick my ass. Noted.”

Try as I might I just can’t get Sloane out of my head. I want to give her the world, she deserves it, but what can I offer a woman like her? I don’t even have my own place, I’m living at the clubhouse like a college student. Maybe it’s time I thought about getting myself a place. Do I want to be fifty and still living here? I could get a cat, that would keep me company.

Fuck.

Is that what my future is? Becoming a crazy old cat man?

“Are you okay?” Liam pops up and grasps my shoulders. He looks me right in the face. “Cruz? I was just kidding about you being old.” He gets that sneaky, dumbass expression where his lips twist at one corner and not the other as he tries to fight back a shit-eating grin. “You are, but so what? Or did you hurt yourself when you dumped me?”

“No. I’m fine.”

“Are you sick?”

“Just tired.”

I am. The kind that has nothing to do with not getting enough sleep.

“You should go talk to my mom. It’s so crazy that she decided she doesn’t mind you. You spent so much time with her. Maybe she’d tell you stuff she wouldn’t tell me. She doesn’t like me worrying, so she takes on way too much by herself, in every way.”

I hate how my heart leaps, races, and tumbles at the thought. I can’t do that. I shouldn’t.

“Just go over and surprise her. Make her take a coffee break.” Liam frowns, and I can tell his mind is whirring, trying to devise some sort of plan. “I’m gonna be working late at the garage tonight. That bike that Crow got to teach Tarynn how to ride has been having some issues.”

“Probably because it’s ancient.”

Liam loves the old stuff. “At least it’s easy to work on. Parts, not so easy to get, but we’re trying to figure out how to fabricate what we can’t find.”

It’s a cool looking bike. Army green with a side car. Tarynn didn’t want to learn on something that wasn’t stable, and instead of getting her a new three wheeled bike, Crow picked out something antique for her. She’s been in love with it from day one.