Page 189 of Saving Forever with the Hockey Captain

Jamie.

The man who somehow worked his way into every ordinary part of my life without me noticing when it happened.

I look across the lake shimmering beneath the afternoon sun. For months I'd been telling myself that my internship would end. That this was temporary. Professional. Safe.

Somewhere along the way it stopped being any of those things. Without asking permission, Jamie Walker had quietly become home. And home is a very difficult place to leave.

***

By the time I reach my apartment, the sun has slipped behind the neighboring buildings, leaving the living room washed in soft gray light. I don't bother turning on the lamps. Instead, I set my bag on the kitchen table and pull the placement packet from my backpack.

Travel itinerary.

Housing assignment.

Orientation schedule.

Parking information.

Emergency contact forms.

One sheet after another spreads across the table until my tiny apartment looks less like a home and more like a PR office.

Everything is neat. Organized. Perfectly planned.

Everything except me.

I lower myself into the nearest chair and stare at the words.

Northwest Regional Medical Center.

Boise, Idaho.

Eight weeks.

Mandatory.

I reach for a pen. Old habit. When life becomes complicated, make a list.

I flip over one of the pages and draw a line down the center.

Stay

Go

The pen hovers over the paper. Nothing comes. Not one word.

Because every reason I can think of to stay has exactly the same answer - Jamie.

Every reason to go has exactly the same answer as well - my future.

I stare at the empty page until the ink begins to pool beneath the tip of my pen.

Then, quietly...

I laugh.

It's a tired little laugh. "You really picked an impossible one this time."