Page 187 of Saving Forever with the Hockey Captain

"When?"

"I don't know."

Another long silence stretches between us.

Then Keisha asks the one question I wasn't prepared for.

"What are you hoping he'll say?"

I close my eyes. "I don't know."

"Annette."

"Honest, I don't."

She lets that sit for a moment. "I think you do."

My fingers tighten around the phone. "I don't want him making decisions because of me."

"You don't get to decide how he makes his decisions."

"I know."

"No..." Her voice softens. "I don't think you do."

"I've listened about the two of you for months."

I let out a tired laugh. "That's unsettling."

"I'm serious."

"So am I."

"You've spent all this time teaching Jamie that accepting help doesn't make him weak."

"I know."

"And now you're trying to decide his future for him."

The words land harder than I expect. "I'm not deciding his future."

"Aren't you?"

I don't answer. Because maybe I am.

Keisha continues gently. "If he asks you to stay..."

"I won't."

"If he tells you to go..." "I'll wonder if he's pretending to be okay."

"If he says he'll wait..." "I'll spend two months feeling guilty."

"And if he says he loves you, Annette?"

My heart forgets how to beat.

"I..."