Page 30 of Final Score

There was no going back now.

I quietly packed the last of my things into my suitcase. Praying that Jenner wouldn’t wake up. My anxiety spiking with every snore. He was a heavy sleeper, but I couldn’t take any chances. I had left a note with Trey the night before when we’d visited him for the last time before leaving. It would explain everything I couldn’t say to his face. Trey had accepted the letter, giving me no grief over my decision. He had wished me only the best, a sad smile on his face.

I am a coward. Leaving like this. In this moment I was no better than Noah.

My heart broke as I took one last look at Jenner sleeping peacefully in the queen-sized bed. His hair sticking up in all different directions, the blankets wrapped tightly around him. He looked small. I was about to ruin everything. Grabbing my suitcase, I closed the door behind me, placing the do not disturb sign on the handle. When Jenner woke up, he’d be angry. I knew he wouldn’t forgive me, but I hoped maybe one day he would understand.

Every cell in my body begged me to go back into the hotel room and crawl into bed with him for just one more second. I ignored the feeling, walking towards the elevator. Every step taking me further from the man I knew I didn’t want to live without. This is for the best. I thought. My brain trying to rationalize my decision, while my heart screamed at me to turn around.

The elevator door opened, and I walked inside. For the second time in my life, I was leaving a piece of my heart in California. After this, I wasn’t sure I’d have any pieces left to give. They all belonged to him now. Tears ran down my cheek, as the elevator doors closed, taking me to the lobby and the waiting cab below.

I love you, Jenner and that will be our undoing.

CHAPTER 19

One month. It’s been one month since Kat disappeared from my life again. Do you want to know what the worst part of it all was? I knew she was scared, and she knew I was willing to do whatever it took and wait as long as necessary for her to feel comfortable enough to tell me how she felt.

Frantic, I had searched our hotel, her old house, her father’s gravesite, and every place I could think of that she might have gone. There wasn’t a trace of her anywhere. I found her letter at the hospital. She had left it with the person I least expected. My brother. I had read that letter so many times over the past month that I could recite it from memory.

Dear Jenner,

I’m sorry that I’m leaving this way. I hope one day you can forgive me, but I will understand if you don’t. I can’t continue with our agreement any longer. It’s not fair to either of us...

You deserve to be happy, and I hope you have the most amazing life. I’ll always be cheering you on from the sidelines.

Love, Kat

I had flown home crushed. The empty seat beside me a constant reminder that she had left, yet again. Her bullshit excuse that she couldn’t continue with our agreement any longer made me furious the longer I thought about it over the course of the three-hour flight back to Seattle. What had started out as a ploy to get back at her ex had turned into something more for both of us, and she was running away out of fear.

Every call and text I sent over the next 30 days went unanswered. The first weekend after I got home, I sat outside her apartment in the rain, hoping she would answer the door until Fallon had finally appeared, asking me to leave before their neighbors called the cops.

Our friends had no choice words of wisdom to provide other than ‘give her time.’ I had come to hate that phrase.

One night Oliver had even gone so far, as to throw my keys into the pond behind our house. Successfully stopping me from driving drunk to Kat’s apartment. He left me to fish them out the next morning alone.

I’d even stooped as low as tracking Fallon down outside her law classes, fully ready for her to rip me a new one. What I didn’t expect was her pity.

“Go get some sleep. For the love of God take a shower. You reek of whiskey.”

“Please, please let me talk to her.” I begged, following Fallon to her next class.

“I’ll try my best. She just needs time.” Fallon answered, looking at me with dismay.

“If one more person says that I swear I’m going to fucking lose it!” I yelled, punching the wall beside me, a large dent forming in the plaster.

“We’ll figure this out, but no one needs you to be an asshole right now. Go home. Sleep off your anger and talk to Oliver when you’re sober enough to come up with a plan.”

Sensing I was about to argue, Fallon walked into her next class, calling back over her shoulder. “Just do it, Blackwell.”

After that, life resumed as usual. Or my new version of normal that is. The only thing left to do was work my body to the point of exhaustion, so I didn’t have time to think. I logged more practice and conditioning hours than I had in the last three years combined. We kept throwing parties, and I watched the door like a hawk every night, praying she’d waltz through it and back into our lives. But she didn’t.

Word spread around campus that things had ended badly, causing old friends to come out to play. While I wasn’t stupid enough to sleep, around knowing if she ever came back that would ruin my chances of getting her back, that didn’t mean I’d say no to harmless flirting.

Even using every distraction, I could think of it never cleared my mind fully that she was gone.

Until one day she wasn’t... and this time I fucked it all up on my own.

CHAPTER 20