Page 72 of Handful

I tried to think back over the last few weeks. Had he been covering them here? I genuinely couldn’t say. I’d spent weeks working very hard at not looking at Handful directly for too long — Indira had done her level best to push us together, and the best defense I’d found was to simply not let my eyes stay on him. It was possible he’d been in long sleeves the whole time. It was possible he hadn’t. I had no idea.

“I had them covered at the party because I wanted you to be the first to see them.” He looked at his arm, then back at me. “After we stood on that sidewalk, I stopped covering them. Every brother has seen these. They all know I am yours.” He held my eyes. “I’m not ashamed of any of my ink. I was proud of these ladies before.”

He looked at them like they were new to him. “Nobody ever asks why I’ve got so many. The first one was my idea of the perfect woman, so I had Ice put her on my arm. Then I thought of another, and he put her on too. Then another. Somewhere in there I ended up with a whole armful of perfect women. Closest a man like me ever figured he’d get to the real thing.”

He touched a little banner with my name in it. “Then you walked into Velvet, and every one of them turned into a rough draft. First woman I ever wanted in daylight instead of the dark.” He held my eyes. “You are the woman I want, Austen. The only one. That is not going to change.” He picked the pen back up. “I knew you needed time to get used to the idea, so I gave it to you. But patience has never been my strong suit. I’ve never once had to wait on a woman in my life and I won’t pretend I’m finding it easy. I’m holding the line.” He looked back at his paperwork. “Just say the word.”

And that was when I saw the other thing, because once you start really looking at a man it’s hard to stop.

There was a new patch on his cut. Sergeant-at-Arms.

“Sergeant-at-Arms.” I looked over at him. “When did that happen?”

“Sunday.” He didn’t make anything of it. “Me and Dutch had words a few weeks back. Well, Dutch talked, I listened. He was right. Course he was right, he’s Prez. Dutch made a few things clear. I did what was expected of me. There was a big contract I let walk right out the door back when everything went sideways. They came back a few weeks ago and asked for me by name. Dutch made it official after church.”

That was a lot.

Tuesday he’d told me he thought about me every morning in the shower. Today I’d found out my name was on his skin before I ever walked into that party, that every brother in the club had known for weeks that he was taken, and that Dutch had just handed him an officer position.

Entirely too much information for a Friday afternoon in a strip club.

I needed air. I made some excuse about Velvet and left him there.

❧

Derek clocked my state the second I came through Velvet’s door, because Derek clocks everything, it’s his entire job.

He waited until the rush thinned. Then he set a glass of water on the bar in front of me and leaned on it. “We need to talk,” he said.

“Are you resigning? Because I’ll need a stronger drink before you finish the sentence.”

“Sit down, Austen.”

I held both hands up. “Okay. Okay.” I glanced down the bar at Jamie, who gave me a small nod.

“Months back I told you men like him run three modes,” Derek said. “Charm, apology, charm again. I was wrong.”

I opened my mouth.

“I know. I don’t say it often.” He picked up a cloth. “But I’ve talked to Fewin. I like him, God help me, and so does Jamie. Between the three of us we’ve built a fairly complete picture of what’s been happening.” He didn’t look at me.

“You were happy with him, Austen. Not professional-happy, not running-a-room-happy. You came in here every day looking like you’d already had a good day and the shift was extra.” He let that sit. “I haven’t seen that since.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re existing. There’s a difference and you know it. Maybe it was the sex, maybe it was something else — I don’t, nor do I want to know exactly what he did but he made you happy, and that’s quite hard to find.” He folded the cloth once, set it down. “I’m not telling you to forgive him. But there’s a difference between careful and scared.” He glanced up. “What if he’s the one, Austen?”

“You know what, Derek. You’re right.”

He looked at me in shock.

“I had reasons,” I said. “Good ones. I watched him turn back into the man I’d met first the second I left his side, and I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life wondering where his hands were every time I did.” I waved a hand. “Anyway.”

“Life’s too short, boss.” Jamie called from down the bar.

I looked at him. “What?”

“Life’s too short, boss.” He reached for a coupe and started building a Sidecar.