Page 41 of Go Under

“Nora isn’t mentally ill, except for maybe some post-traumatic stress and associated depression. But she’s heartbroken. She never got over the loss of her brother or her parents’ tacit acceptance of that loss when they took the settlement. If you’re correct, Darnell, then that feeling is exacerbated by her belief that Darnell’s race played a role in his conviction. That’s been eating at her for decades. She ran from it for decades until Cox showed her a way to fill it.

“But murder never really fills the hole. It never really slakes that thirst. She’ll kill again and again and again until she’s caught or killed. At this point, she has no choice.”

Marcus and Darnell shared another look, this one a weary frustration that Kate understood herself. They were trying to put out a fire by picking through the burn scars. They could see the smoke, but they had no idea where the wind was blowing, no idea what the flame would consume next.

“What about the arresting officers?” Marcus suggested.

“Possibly,” Darnell said. “I’m going to dig through the Avery court records again and identify everyone involved with the case. If you’re right, Kate, then they’re all in danger.”

“Do that,” Kate said. “Marcus, no luck with the neighbors?”

“I would have told you if I learned anything useful,” Marcus replied with a touch of irritation. “No one recognized anyone who looked like the pictures I showed them. None of them, apparently, had ever seen a Black woman in that neighborhood.”

Darnell chuckled contemptuously. “What a shock that would be.”

Marcus ran his hands through his hair. His heels bounced on the ground, tapping a hundred ninety beats per minute as restlessness overtook him. Kate noticed for the first time that he hadn’t shaved since the start of the case. The three-day scruff she was used to seeing on him was back, as were the hollows under his eyes.

It’s not just me, she realized. Cox is getting to her, too.

Not just Cox, though. It was the job. This evil, backbreaking, heart-rending job. They lived their lives with their faces buried in darkness. Was it any wonder that they slowly forgot what the light looked like?

Suicide rates of FBI agents were over double that of the general population. Divorce rates were two-and-a-half times as great. Alcoholism was rampant among field agents and supervisory employees and increased markedly with greater tenure. Heart disease was significantly greater among law enforcement than the general public, with stress being a major contributing factor.

What did the future look like for them? Kate rarely thought about what came the following day, so preoccupied was she with the present and the past.

But one day this saga with Cox would end. Stepping away from her emotions, she understood that Cox’s choices couldn’t help but lead to his death or permanent incarceration. He could do phenomenal damage between now and then, but he was going to be stopped eventually.

What happened after? Did Kate find closure? Did she become a happy-go-lucky agent? Did the dead bodies she looked at after hurt less? Did the killers she chased mean less? Did the fact that they had no connection to her father mean she would brush off the pain of their loved ones more easily?

Kate was thirty-seven years old. Later that year, she would turn thirty-eight. Forty was just around the corner, and fifty wasn’t so distant that she couldn’t picture it. Would she make it to sixty intact? Would Marcus?

“Kate? Does that work for you?”

Kate blinked. Marcus and Darnell were looking expectantly at her. She reddened slightly. “I’m sorry. I spaced out a little.”

The two men frowned at each other. “I was saying I could coordinate protection for the other potential victims, starting with the jurors and anyone else Darnell identifies. Maybe you could track down the arresting officers and let me know who they are so I can arrange to protect them, too?”

Kate nodded. “Yeah. Sure. I can do that.”

“Are you sure? If you need to rest—”

“I’m sure,” she replied, firmly enough to shut down that question now and forever.

Just in case, she got to her feet so he couldn’t ask again. “Darnell, text me the names, and I’ll look into them.”

Darnell nodded. “Sure. I’ll do that. How are you feeling, Kate?”

Marcus flushed and looked down at his hands, probably ashamed that he hadn’t thought to ask that but instead tried to suggest his preferred solution.

“I’m fine.” She looked at Marcus. “Really. Thank you both for your concern. I’m not going to pretend I’m happy as a clam, but I know what the job is. I can handle this.”

Darnell smiled wanly. “For now, at least.”

“One more night,” Kate said. “Right?”

Darnell’s smile widened. “Yes. One more night.”

“One more night,” Marcus agreed, meeting her gaze again.