Page 6 of Falling Again

For the moment, I am at my limit of animals on this property. Until I no longer have to go to work, I don’t see myself getting more animals and not being able to spend all my time with them. Don’t get me wrong, I love animals. I’d love to get a horse and some goats. It’s kind of a wild dream of mine to make my own goat cheese. But for now, I’ll stick with the stock at the co-op for my fromagerie needs.

I pull on some faded green sweatpants, a U of O crewneck, my black framed glasses and a pair of Blundstone boots to head outside and feed the animals. My morning routine consists of opening the duck coop, scattering feed for the six birds, and collecting their eggs. Then, I head to Lucy’s shed to ensure she has enough feed and water for the day before raking her shelter. She likes to redecorate the hay floor nightly. By then, Scooter has finished running the perimeter of the property and is begging for breakfast. So, I make him a bowl of fresh dog food and make myself some variation of my typical breakfast. I rotate between an omelet, a scramble, and a breakfast taco. Today, I cook up a scramble with some veggie and sausage leftovers from the fridge.

Things are quiet as I sit at the sturdy farmhouse-style table in the center of the house. It feels too big for me to be eating alone. I should have more people here with me. I should have gotten a smaller table, but I can’t help but think of all the family dinners that were served here. And with each piece of furniture I move or replace, it feels like I’m trying to replace my parents. I didn’t talk to anyone for a couple of days after getting rid of my parents’ dresser. It’s not that I don’t want to be reminded of them; it just hurts to remember that I’ll never see them again.

Whenever I see my mom’s potholder with the rooster print or my dad’s pocketknife in a drawer, it is still too hard to grasp their absence. I rub my hand over the edges of the table my dad built far before I was born. It’s withstood years of use, and I hope that one day I’ll have my own family gathered around this table, sharing stories of my folks to keep their spirits alive.

I take a deep breath and stretch my arms up over my head, running my fingers through my hair, then pull out my phone. I need to see people today. When I’m alone in my thoughts, I feel myself sinking into the dark hole I was in right after the accident. Chloe’s face flashes though my mind. She’s always been able to keep my dark thoughts at bay.

I scroll through my texts with Reid and am reminded that he is spending the weekend with Annika. I click over to my texts with Chloe and think of our recent, slightly awkward yet intriguing, interaction on the couch. I woke up from our romance movie marathon thinking I was still dreaming as I looked up at her. The sun seemed to be emitting from her as a halo of light glowed from her curly hair. Her cheeks were flushed and she had sleep creases on the side of her face. I wanted to pull her back into my chest and not leave from the couch. But then she got up faster than I could even suggest anything more.

Not too long ago, I realized I would drop whatever I was doing for Chloe Marshall. And that day was no different. I remember being on the riding mower, cutting the grass on the right side of the property, when she called me. I didn’t even bother to finish, I leaped right off and drove to her house. The mower still in the middle of the field. This crush I have on her is insane, and I’m getting pretty close to jumping out of the “friends” territory and making a move on her. Although the way she flung herself off the couch when I put my hands in her hair makes me think she’s maybe not into me the same way. I suppose I could try to let my crush fizzle out, but I know it won’t be easy. Chloe’s been like a ray of sunshine piercing my wall of grief.

Me

Hey, what are you up to today?

Almost immediately, three dots appear, indicating that Chloe is responding. A rush of relief falls over me because she isn’t ghosting me out. Not that I thought she would, but with Reid occupied with Annika, it’s oddly comforting.

Chloe

Crying because Annika is leaving me AGAIN to hang out with Reid

Me

Yeah, I haven’t seen Reid in days. We are happy for them, remember?

UGH

I know. I’m so happy for them. I cry thinking about it because they were meant to be together since we were 9 years old.

What are you doing today?

I was thinking of going on a hike. Do you want to join me?

Hmm, tempting…I could use some inspiration for paintings.

Yeah, what time?

Whenever. Does an hour from now work?

Yeah! Pick me up!

You got it. See you soon.

I pull up to the cottage on Beach Street, where Chloe and Annika live, promptly an hour later. I can see Chloe already sitting on her porch, ready to go. She darts over when she sees my SUV and skips to the passenger door. She’s wearing a thick cream knit sweater layered over an oversize white T-shirt and dark-blue leggings tucked into hiking boots. She approaches the car from the passenger side, gives me a bright smile, and immediately makes me feel less lonely.

“Scoot, is that you!” Chloe exclaims as she opens the door. My puppy leaps over the middle console to greet her with lots of puppy kisses. She laughs and climbs in. I grab Scooter with one hand and set him back into his car carrier, clipping him in so he stays put while we drive. He nuzzles the window, and I lower it enough so he can stick his little head out.

“Is that a purse for your water bottle?” I ask as I point at the blue floral bag wrapped across her chest as Chloe buckles her seat.

She perks up and turns to me. “Yes! Isn’t it the most brilliant invention? I love and hate carrying my water bottle around. So, at the artisans’ fair last month, there was a booth where a woman had handmade purses. It even has extra pockets for your phone, keys, and other whatnots.”

“I love it. It matches the blue daisy dress you wore the other day,” I point out.

“Yeah, it does.” She smiles and relaxes in her seat. “I only have a few more weeks to wear my sundresses. It’s still warm, but it’s already colder than it would be back in Ojai at this time of year.”

What I shame, I think to myself. “I can’t imagine living somewhere where it was sunny and warm most of the year. Sounds great, honestly. But there’s just something magical about leaves changing, the air turning to a fresh crispness. Plus, it’s easier to climb outside when it’s cold out.”