Page 69 of Already Falling

That’s it. I’m driving over there.

I see Chloe’s sedan parked around the corner, but Annika’s car isn’t in her usual spot. I’m hoping she is parked somewhere else. Except I saw her car in front of the house when I dropped her off last night. So, she’s not home. Where did she go?

I jog to the porch and bang on the front door.

“Hey, don’t break down the door. I’m right here.” I push through the door as Chloe opens it, and Dandy starts circling my feet. The cat can’t help but be so cute even when I am frustrated. I pick her up and give her head some scratches, which seem to calm me down a smidge.

“Is Anni here? I’ve been texting and calling, but she hasn’t answered.”

“Reid, she needs time. She feels, well, she feels like shit and is embarrassed as hell.”

“I know. I just need to talk to her.”

“What are you going to say? How are you going to fix things after that?”

“I can’t let her be alone after her making a move and me just leaving her hanging. That’s not fair to her. I was surprised, obviously, but I know now.”

“Oh, you know now? Not four years ago when you guys matched, and you could have tried again?” Chloe steps closer to me, pointing her finger at me. “You weren’t there to pick her up off the street.” She has tears welling in her eyes as she lays into me. I let her because I feel like I deserve this. “I found her against a wall, sobbing into her knees.” Chloe’s volume startles Dandy, who jumps out of my arms. “You weren’t there for her after the worst night of her life. I was! She keeps trying, and it doesn’t work with you. You expect her to be okay after this time too? I honestly don’t know if she will be okay, but it won’t take twelve hours, that’s for fucking sure, Parker.”

I’m fighting my own tears, clenching my jaw, guilt pouring over me. “Where is she, Chloe?”

“I don’t know. She wanted to be by herself.”

“That’s bullshit, Chloe. You two know when each other’s next dentist appointment is.”

“Why Reid? Why should I tell you?”

“Because every time I go to reach out to her, she’s already falling. She’s slipping out of my fingers, and I can’t grab her fast enough. I’m not letting the girl of my dreams, of every waking moment of my life, slip away again.”

I rub my hands over my face, and I feel like I’m going to start crying again. This is the most I’ve cried in a while. All over this girl.

“Chloe, please, I just need one more chance.”

Chloe pulls her phone out of her pocket and types something on the screen before I feel my phone buzz in my pocket.

“I sent you where she’s at. I swear to god, Reid, that’s it. If you hurt her again, I will hurt you.”

I don’t even take a second to respond. I’m out of the house and in my truck. It’s going to be a long drive to catch her, and I can only hope she’s still there. This crazy girl is driving three hours just to breathe.

THIRTY-NINE

ANNIKA

Oregon beaches aren’t like SoCal beaches.

First of all, I didn’t realize the nearest beach was nearly three hours away, but I feel so numb from everything that has happened in the past day that the time went by fast enough. Every time I stopped crying, I would remember the events of last night and get upset again. It’s been a long time since my head felt this cloudy. I hate feeling this way, and the only thing that made me feel better in the past was going to the beach and stepping into the ocean. I missed hearing the waves crash and the sand in my toes. So this morning, Chloe helped me find a beach I could drive to. She wanted to come with me, but I protested that I needed to do this alone. She understood but made me promise to text her when I arrived.

I pull up to the parking lot and text her before sticking my phone in the side compartment of my car door. I don’t want to be distracted. I just want it to be me and the beach. Reid’s been trying to reach out, but I can’t talk to him yet. I need to clear my head.

The sun is fighting through the cloud cover, warming up pockets of the air. There’s the softest breeze. I grab the sweater that I brought from the back seat and wrap myself in it. The clouds keep covering the sun, but each time, it pushes through again, warming my skin as I make my way to the trail that heads to the beach.

Little did I know that there’d be a half-mile hike through sloping sand dunes until I reached the beach. I expected to see the ocean open up from the parking lot, just like the beaches back home, but the blue waters are hidden. So I make the trek through the hills. After a little bit, I take off my sandals when the sand gets too soft, and I’m sweating by the time I reach the beach, regretting putting on this extra layer.

As soon as I get to the top of the last dune, I’m finally reunited with the Pacific Ocean. The sand stretches out so far, and the water just skims on top of it. I slide down the soft sand until I’m met with the beach. I trek through, trying to avoid any seaweed or driftwood, and leave my sandals about halfway as I wander over to the water. It’s early morning, so there aren’t too many people here. I see a man playing fetch with his Labrador down a far way, but it’s mostly just me and the beach, just the way I wanted. I walk out, and the sand squishes under my feet as the tide gently rolls in and out. The sand is a bit rockier, and the water is freezing but feels nice after the hike from the parking lot. I walk out for what feels like a full minute until my legs are ankle-deep in the water. I close my eyes and breathe.

At first, I don’t think about anything. I just breathe and listen to the sounds of the sea. I hear some birds fluttering around behind me. The soft tide flows in, tickling my legs. I hear the grass on the dunes swaying in the breeze. There’s a lone bark from the Labrador in the distance. I take a deep breath as the tide flows back to the ocean and finally feel relaxed and at peace. I let the calmness wash over me, trying to empty my brain. But something keeps trying to push its way in. A dark cloud forms inside my head, and I’m sick to my stomach with shame again.

It can’t be a coincidence that I’ve made my way up here, up to Reid again. I don’t really believe in coincidences, anyway. I think this is how our paths link up. We keep winding around each other throughout our lives. I can’t help but feel like we are at a crossroads. Either stay in each other’s lives or part completely forever. I know, deep in my gut, I believe I did the right thing by making a move again. So why does it hurt so bad?