Page 23 of Already Falling

“I was thinking of actually signing up to study abroad next year. I’d love to explore other countries.”

For some reason, my stomach drops at the thought of Reid leaving again. We barely just reconnected, yet I want to hold him down so he doesn’t drift away.

The rest of the coffee date is simple and peaceful, which is just what I need. If every date was like this, maybe I would date more. No pressure, just a simple chit-chat. It’s different with Reid. I keep flipping through our memories like reruns in my head as we talk. My class at 11:30 cuts our discussion short, but we confirm beach plans for Saturday at noon. Walking to my class, I notice the soft flutters in my gut that haven’t left since I ran into Reid at that party.

The rest of the week couldn’t have gone any slower. As each day passed, I changed my outfit idea for the date. Chloe keeps telling me I am overthinking it all and to let it be casual. She does the motion with her arms and shoulders, replicating a wave every time she says it. I think of all the scenarios of how the date can go and have three text drafts canceling it completely.

Reid texted me throughout the week, saying things like “Good Morning” and “Have a great day!” and even sent me a photo of his view from his dorm room. I was tempted to wander around campus until I found that dolphin fountain. A part of me wants this to be a casual date like Chloe suggested, but a bigger part of me has wanted this since I was twelve years old; to go on another date with Reid Parker. A beach date even!

My alarm on my phone blares as I reach to turn it off.

7:00 a.m.

Today is the day. I feel like I’m going to hurl. Our dorm room is still dark, and I could sleep in. The date isn’t until midday. I can’t sleep in anticipation of it all. I could barely fall asleep last night. I’m about to go on a date with my middle school crush. How often does that even happen? That doesn’t happen to normal people like me, and yet here I am, lying in bed, already reconsidering what I should wear today.

It’s early February, so not the postcard beach weather that you see in magazines, but it’s also San Diego, so it rarely dips below sixty-five degrees. I check my weather app: seventy-two degrees and sunny. I stare into my closet for five minutes before settling on a pair of loose pants and a fitted T-shirt with my oversized denim jacket on top. Knowing me, I’ll probably end up changing two more times before the date. But before I can function, I need caffeine.

The nearest campus coffee shop is unusually quiet this morning, and then I remember it’s seven a.m. on a Saturday. Only three baristas are working today, one of them being Chloe’s fling she’s seeing, Dane. Unfortunately, we are not that close yet, so I do not get the advantage of the free drinks that he always treats her to.

Dane holds up a cup, and I can sense it belongs to me. “Ah-nick-a?” A pause. “Ann-eeka?”

“Hi-yah, thanks, that’s me, also hi, Dane, you know me, you are dating my roommate. And you know how to pronounce my name,” I say a little too sassy, but it gets annoying quickly when people have a hard time saying my name.

“Uh, do I? Sorry if you’re hitting on me. I already got a lady.”

Is this guy for real? Did he even hear what I said? I don’t know which to feel, disgusted that he thinks of me correcting him as flirtation or pride that he already is exclusively dating Chloe.

“Yeah, your lady is my best friend. I’m her roommate, Annika.” I try to make myself clear, but he’s barely paying attention.

“Ohhh, right, sure. Anyway, enjoy your chai latte with oat milk, extra hot with a shot of espresso and one pump of caramel syrup.”

I force a grin out and try not to flush at my embarrassingly long order, but all of that shame melts away at the first sip. Goddamn, that’s good stuff.

Chloe is awake by the time I come back to the room. Before I left the coffee shop, Dane waved me over to give Chloe a hazelnut latte, which she nearly rips out of my hand upon entry into our room.

“Isn’t he the absolute sweetest!” Chloe says, cozying up in her blankets. Only her head and one arm is poking out so she can sip her latte.

“Actually, he’s not that bad, although he didn’t even recognize me. I’ve met him like five times already.”

“Anni, you know he’s a surfer, so he’s always falling into the ocean. I’m sure his brain gets scrambled around, so what does it matter if he forgets he meets people once in a while?”

I shrug it off and head to the bathroom to get ready. I don’t have to leave for another three hours, but I can’t wait to get ready anymore. I’ve reread my text conversations with Reid probably four times now and made myself sufficiently nervous for this date. This is my first date in college that feels special and wildly important. Like it will set the tone for how the rest of my college dating experience will go.

Since I have so much time, I decide to do my ten-step skincare routine in hopes it will relax me. There’s just something about rubbing serums and creams on my face that alleviates any problem I may be having just a teensy bit. I finish off my morning routine by running a flatiron through my hair and dotting some lip gloss on. Except…what if he tries to kiss me and then sees I’m wearing lip gloss and changes his mind? No lip gloss. Let’s go with a strawberry-flavored lip balm that Chloe got me for my birthday last year. She says it isn’t the same as her lip balm, but I think it still smells good.

I step out of the bathroom and check my phone. I’ve been in there for two hours, whoops. Hopefully, no one else needed to use the mirror.

“How do I look?” I ask, striking a pose for Chloe, who is lying upside down on her bed reading a fashion magazine.

She sits up and gives me a quick one-over. “You look stunning, as always, and frankly, it’s annoying.”

I roll my eyes because I can say the same for her. “It’s about a fifteen-minute drive to the beach, plus trying to find parking, so I’m heading out now. Please tell me it will go great.”

“It will be better than you expect. And remember, be casual.” She says the last line while moving her hand like a wave.

I don’t think I’ll ever be capable of being casual.

Traffic wasn’t long enough. I was hoping it would be backed up so badly that I would miss this date. I’m so nervous, and I hate to say it but maybe excited? What if he tries to kiss me again? I’m too weak in his presence. I’m just going to melt upon the smallest touch. I’m in deep shit. I park my car and start walking out to the pier.