Page 151 of Ghost Ribbon

The way I had held him in school hallways when he was frightened. The way I had held him at parties when the noise was too much. The way I had held him in his small bedroom during all those afternoons we spent together when I used to be too anxious to go home. He would always let me stay at his house and make me feel so wanted and loved.

I couldn’t lose him. I wouldn’t survive it.

He was my best friend.

My sunshine.

Chapter 35 - Marco

He brought me home as promised.

It was hard.

Especially convincing my parents that I was going to Alexei’s home and not my own. The hospital wanted to keep me but Alexei promised.

And Alexei kept his promises. He told my parents that I needed stability and that he could give me that more than they could. That he had the resources to be with me twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, in a way they simply couldn’t match.

It was harsh.

I had watched my mother’s face while he said it. I saw the tightening around her mouth that meant she was holding back something she wanted to say. I also saw my father’s jaw, but they had admitted it too.

Because it was true.

My mother was sick. Her diabetes was getting worse, not better, and the stress of caring for a dying son on top of her own deteriorating body was something she couldn’t sustain. My father needed to work.

Alexei could be with me.

Twenty-four hours a day.

Seven days a week.

Even though he shouldn’t.

He shouldn’t waste his time on me. He shouldn’t restructure his entire existence around a person who might not be there next month.

But I was selfish.

I was so, so selfish.

Because I wanted him to.

I wanted him to be here. I wanted him to hold me and count my heartbeats and cook me meals I could barely eat and wake up beside me and fall asleep beside me and exist in the same space as me for whatever time I had left.

I wanted it so badly that the wanting outweighed the guilt.

Most of the time.

I was home now.

His home.

Alexei was sleeping.

That was the first thing I noticed when I woke up. He hadn’t slept in days so I didn’t want to wake him up. I reached over slowly and I pressed my lips to his forehead.

Then I slipped out of the bed.

Walking was hard lately.