Page 146 of Ghost Ribbon

I never prayed. I didn’t believe in anything that listened.

But sitting in that hallway, with my hands shaking and my chest hollow and the love of my life behind a closed door, I would have begged anything. I would have dragged every god from their heavens and fallen at their feet. I would have offered them every piece of myself if they would only listen.

Just keep him alive.

Please.

Just keep him alive.

I will do anything.

Just let him live.

When the doctor came out, he led us all inside and I sat on the chair nearest the wall.

“He’s not responding very well to the medication.”

“We stabilized him,” he continued. “He’s stable now but the medication isn’t doing what we need it to do. The function isn’t improving. If anything, the episode today suggests it’s declining faster than we anticipated.”

The buzzing in my arms started.

I didn’t know what else to call it. Not numbness - I could feel my hands, my fingers, the chair beneath me. But something was happening in my arms, in my shoulders, in the muscles of my back. A vibration. As if my body was processing something too large for its systems and was trying to distribute the excess somewhere, anywhere.

“He needs a heart transplant,” the doctor said.

“The sooner the better. He’s no longer a candidate for medical management alone. The window is narrowing.”

Rei choked on a cry and Dimitri’s hand tightened on his shoulder.

“What do you mean, narrowing?” My voice was flat.

The doctor held my gaze.

“I mean that he is going to get weaker. The episodes like today will become more frequent. The heart will struggle more with each one. Each crisis will leave less function behind than the one before. The medication can slow this, but it cannot stop it. Without a transplant, we are looking at a trajectory that is…” he paused, choosing his words “…months rather than years.”

Months.

Rather than years.

The buzzing in my arms intensified.

“I suggest keeping him in the hospital. We need to monitor him closely. Adjust what we can. And notify his parents.”

Rei stood up, unsteadily, Dimitri’s hand falling from his shoulder. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “I…” he started. “I’ll call them.” Dimitri put his arm around him.

“Come on,” he said quietly. “I’ll go with you.”

They left and the door closed behind them.

I was alone in the room with the doctor. He shifted uncomfortably.

“Mr. Morozov, I understand this is—”

“Test me.”

“Excuse me?”

I lifted my eyes to his.