Page 105 of Backup Plan

I nod. “And ora like Dolores. Iz, I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve gone through for the baby. I’m forever in your debt for growing her for the last nine months.”

“Eight, really, but yeah. The money will help, and I know she’ll be in good hands with you. Better hands than I could possibly offer. Can you just…” She trails off, and she sighs. “I know this is too much to ask, but can you send me a photo of her on her birthday each year so I know how she’s doing?”

I reach over and grab her hand in mine. “I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”

She presses her lips together, and I realize for the first time that it’s not just going to be hard on me when I take a baby home and have no clue what the fuck to do with it.

It’s going to be hard on Izzy, too. She carried this baby, grew a connection only a mother and child can share, and then…poof. That’s it. She’s giving her up, giving me the greatest gift a person could possibly conceive of giving to another person. And while I’m terrified of it all, I also know I’m doing the right thing here. I’m going to give this baby an amazing life. I’m going to screw up, for sure. I’m going to learn as I go. And someday, maybe, I’ll add more siblings to the mix. I’ll have a whole big, loud family to fill the house with noise and laughter and love.

Someday.

Maybe.

And if it’s just me and baby Liora, then maybe that’s what’s meant to be.

CHAPTER 33: Penny Calloway

What Does He Want

I’m tossing and turning like I have every goddamn night since Liam and I broke up.

It could be the fact that I’ve been sleeping on my mother’s couch, which is actually a loveseat that’s shorter than I am. Or it could be the fact that my chest aches and my stomach is in knots, and this hurts far, far worse than finding out Brent was cheating on me.

I fell out of love with Brent a long time ago. I remember a conversation with Everleigh where I mentioned the D word long before he ever cheated on me.

I just want the D to be final so I can move on with my life to the other kind of D that I could use right about now.

Here in Chicago, fine. Maybe the suburbs. But I can’t stay here much longer with my mom. It’s too tight, and I need sleep.

I thought about getting a hotel for myself when the boys went to Brent’s house, but I slept in the guest room bed instead. It was better than the couch, but I still didn’t sleep…which led to my presumption that it’s not actually the couch but more to do with Liam.

Or maybe it was because I was worried about the boys all weekend and who Brent would force them with. Turns out it was Heather again.

And now it’s Wednesday night, and the boys are back here with my mom and me, and I’m balled up on the couch with a thin blanket over me pretending like everything’s fine when it just isn’t.

I glance at the clock. It’s just after midnight. It’s a new day. Another day closer to the divorce trial.

Another day closer to Brent getting what he wants and me…not getting what I want.

What do I want, anyway?

I want my kids with me full time. I want to not worry about them when they’re at Brent’s because I don’t want them to go to Brent’s at all. Ever. I want freedom from him. I want Liam.

I want to do whatever the hell I want to do without having to answer to him or having to have it approved by the courts.

But what does he want? Why is he making all of this so goddamn hard on me?

That thought is exactly when it hits me.

I bolt upright on the couch, straining my neck and twisting my back in the process.

Holy shit.

Despite the pain in my neck, I have clarity. Finally.

I know what he wants.

I offered him the wrong goddamn thing before.