Page 111 of Rise Above

“In my head, the rational decision was to end it. The

pain was unbearable, and there seemed to be no end in sight.” Taking my hands from Talon, I flipped my arms over and showed the large, pink scars going vertically down both arms. “I took a knife and really tried to kill myself. My boyfriend found me, and I was rushed into surgery to close my wounds and get a blood transfusion.” My finger trailed one scar.

“When I woke up, Dr. Su was there. He’s my

neurosurgeon. He told me my cyst is commonly referred to as the suicide cyst because of the pain. They scheduled my brain surgery. My boyfriend broke up with me, and I had my head cracked open a few days later.

“Once I had the surgery, I fully recovered. The pain

and suicidal ideation disappeared. I got a job and did my supervision. After getting my LCSW, I moved here for my PhD.” That was it. That was my sordid tale. Finally, all of our secrets were out on the table. I had revealed my darkest 239

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truths. My breaths remained shallow, my chest hollow— but the fear was gone.

Talon had tears in his eyes. Carefully, he pulled my

hospital gown back into place. He gently rubbed a hand over my cheek before pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. “Can I hug you?”

Nodding, I allowed Talon to embrace me. His entire

body was warm, and he shook as he held onto me. He gently brushed my hair as he continued to hold me. Talon pulled away and grabbed my arms, gently touching my scars.

“Are all the tattoos to hide the scars?”

“They didn’t start that way. The only ones I want to

hide are from trying to kill myself.” My voice wavered a bit as I spoke. It hurt to admit that.

Talon removed his fingers and pulled away from

me. He eyed my face. “So, what happened this time?” He gently cupped my face, his warm palm heating me.

“The pain I had prior to the brain surgery came

back, and I collapsed to the ground. It was so painful, I could barely breathe. I’m not really clear what happened once I hit the floor. Dr. Bowie confirmed the cyst is gone. Which is good since they took my pineal gland. My brain has some serious scarring. MRI showed scar growth, and it knocked me on my ass apparently. He wants me to see a neurologist more frequently. It’s been six years since my surgery, but my brain is still healing.”

“Are you okay?” Talon’s eyes and face were so

serious. His hand remained on my face, gentle and calming.

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“Yes. I can discharge tomorrow. It’s a minor

setback. They’ll start me on an anti-inflammatory. Supposedly, it’ll help.”

Nodding, Talon pulled me into a hug again. “You

are so fucking resilient. Do you know that?”

Normally, I hated that word. So many people had

bestowed that accolade on me. For some reason though, when Talon said it, it felt true. I’d been through a lot in my life and continued to push through. I was fucking resilient.

The hospital room opened, and Dr. Bowie entered.