Page 33 of Honorable Sins

"You would never do anything that would make me disappointed in you," mom assures me. "You are not that person, Fitz. You are strong and smart and good.

I like that my mom doesn't say I could never do anything to disappoint her. We both know that's not true. There are many things I could do that would disappoint my mom, but I would never do them.

Suddenly everything clicks inside me. Just like my mom accepts my da for who he is and just like my mom loves her da, even though sometimes grandda is not so easy to love, she loves me the same. I don't have to be perfect.

It's okay for me to act on my own instincts and not on hers.

"Uncle Adam thinks Eoghan's drawing makes him look weak."

"Is that why you wanted your da to tell him about Miceli's painting?" mom asks.

She's smart like that.

"Yeah." I frown. "It didn't help though."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"He made Eoghan switch to another class when he found out he was taking art as an elective." Gavin texted me after because Eoghan tore up his drawings and threw all of his sketchpads and charcoals away.

He didn't get what the big deal was.

I do though. Because even when I was worried I'd disappoint her, I didn't ever think mom would want me to give up parts of myself like Uncle Adam wants Eoghan to.

"I love you for you who you are, Fitz," mom promises like she knows why I brought up Eoghan.

She probably does.

"Thanks mom. I'll probably do things like this again," I warn her. "Sometimes they're necessary.

Mom nods. "Yes, they are."

"You're not mad I sent two of them to the emergency? You don't think I lost control?" Because I didn't.

"No. Your father has taught you exactly how hard to hit and where. He has taught you what causes the most pain and how to disable without causing pain. I know that everything you did today was intentional."

"It's not how you would have handled them."

"Maybe, maybe not." Mom smiles wryly. "But I do know that after I learned what they did to Sadie and how they've been bullying her, I was glad you did."

"May I join yis?" da asks from the doorway. "Now that the littles are in bed, I need to debrief you, a mhac."

"This can't wait for tomorrow?" mom asks.

"Fitz will sleep better after he tells me what he thinks I need to know."

Da is right. He understands how my brain works, even better than mom sometimes.

It only takes about thirty minutes, but by the time da is finished asking questions, I've told him everything I think is important and stuff I didn't realize was. Like the fact that it wasn't an accident I was in the boy's locker room during lunch.

One of the eighth-grade boys who hangs around Kenny Jr. told me he saw the guys dragging Sadie down the hall toward the boys' locker room. I didn't trust that he would tell on his friends to me and was prepared for it to be a trap.

I wanted the fight I figured was coming.

I didn't realize the trap they were setting was for my da.

And they didn't realize that even the four of them, a year older and most of them bigger, couldn't match a single seventh grader trained by my da.

Chapter nine