Page 94 of The Score

A drum beats in my chest. It reverberates down my limbs, because I'm about to hold her tight against me.

I step as close as I can get without touching her. "Will you tell me if I cross a boundary?"

"I don't think you will."

"I might."

I want too much, and whatever she's feeling, it's not in the same realm of what I truly want. I know her too well. Nine out of ten chances she'll say it's all just our bodies acting up.

Her lips part. "I'll tell you if it comes to that."

I nod. The solution is easy, really.

With all my might, I push a heavy titanium door until it closes in my chest. It leaves my heart in a secluded vault. Padlocks snap close and steel rods move into place. Holding Pen close is serious, major business, but tender feelings aren't invited to the event.

I place a firm hand around her soft waist. An assertive pull later, and she's plastered to me. She gasps.

"I'll bring you closer." My voice comes out deep and rough. "I'll lean in as if I'm going to kiss you again."

A hammer hits the metal enclosures of my chest, but it's like hearing sound underwater. All my attention turns to Pen in my arms, and the way she gazes at me with heated eyes.

She nods. "What else do you want to do?"

I can't begin to tell her everything I want to do.

"Remember our wedding?" I say instead.

She nods again, more enthusiastic.

"I'll dip you back." I lick my bottom lip and stare at her mouth. "I won't kiss you."

"Why not?" she whispers.

Because I can't. It's too dangerous. Despite our wedding, it's her laughter when we were teens that I think of. And my true fear? That she could feel like I've been playing with her, telling her I want friendship when now I'm feeling something else.

If I kissed her the way I want to, she would see right through me.

This clinch moment is something else. I'm only matching her. If I'm right and she's feeling something physical for me, at least we're on the same page.

"Do you want to be surprised, Pen?"

"I don't know."

"I need you to know."

She searches my eyes. Her hands cling to my arms. Whatever has taken hold of me in the absence of my heart, points out all the little things that tell me she's feeling something too. The way she breathes fast through parted lips. Her blown pupils, and the light blush on her face.

Maybe she was right about the hound and the hunter and the need forteethin all of it. I'd bite her if I could. I’m feeling primal, it seems.

"Surprise me," she says.

I don't let her go, but I tap all the right buttons to set up the shot.

With my eyes fixed on her again, I tilt her back in a swift move. A sharp intake of air rushes through her lips. My large hands keep her tight against me. With the hand closest to the camera, I bring up her thigh. Skin to skin.

"Smile, Pen."

"I can't."