Page 46 of Chasing Hope

Her brisk tone has my jaw unhinging before I find my nerve and blurt, “Harping on?”

“Yes, Evie. This is growing tiresome.”

“You’retired?” I ask, scoffing. “Imagine how I feel, Mother.”

“Please, Evie, I want my little girl back. Stop this nonsense.”

I clench my teeth, trying to bite back a retort. Once I have a handle on my emotions, I ask calmly, “Why are you calling?”

“I wanted to check to see if you are all right.” She says this as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.Has my mother always been this cruel? Always lacked such empathy and self-awareness?

“You know damn well I’m not okay.”

Silence settles over us, the only sound coming from the hustle and bustle of downtown Denver below me.

“If you’re going to continue to spread such hatred toward me over this, then we need to have a conversation like two adults.”

My eyes shutter closed. That bone-deep tiredness leaking into my body once more.

“What is there to say, Mom? I told you what happened. You don’t want to seem to accept the truth.”

“The truth?” she snaps over the line. My eyes fly open in surprise. “That is enough, Evie. This is no longer appropriate. I have been extremely patient as I wait for you to come to your senses, but it’s clear you’ve fully lost them.”

My anger rises like a coiled snake, ready to strike her hit for hit. “I’m not the monster in this situation. I’m not the one with the sick mind!”

Her sigh is tired, heavy with dread. “I’m sorry, Evie, but this has gone on for long enough. I’ve decided to have a conversation with?—”

“Don’t you dare,” I spit through gritted teeth, venom filling every syllable.

“It’s no longer appropriate to keep from him.”

“How?”

“You’re running around spreading?—”

“Spreading what, Mother? The truth? And for your information, I haven’t even told that many people.” Despite the red-hot fury rushing through my veins, my eyes blur. I wish they were turning glassy from the wine but that’s long gone now. “Why don’t you just say it? Stop beating around the bush and say what you have been insinuating formonths.”

“Well, Evie, these are serious allegations.”

“I know.” It takes everything in me not to scream. “What happened is aseriousmatter.”

Her voice lowers to a whisper. “It can have implications on his life, Evie. His livelihood.”

Her words, as quiet as they are, strike my body as if she screamed them. My anger is quickly replaced by bile. The tears filling my eyes pool to the point I can no longer see the gorgeous city skyline.

My voice cracks as I ask, “What aboutmylife? What about what it’s done to me and the serious implications it’s had onmylife?” I can’t stop the sniffle that escapes me. “How abouthow he ruined me, Mother? What about what he did to me? He should be locked away for the vile and disgusting?—”

“That’s enough, Evie! It didn’t fucking happen!” she screams.

The oxygen in my lungs evaporates. My body stumbles back, my hand having to snatch the railing beside me to stop myself from falling from the blow of her words. It’s as if she were standing right in front of me and slapped me.

But she’s not, because if she were, maybe she would stop talking. Maybe she would see how deeply she cut me, maybe she would see how much she’s hurting me, maybe she would see that she’s breaking me.

But she’s not.

And I’m starting to realize that even if she were, she wouldn’t care.

“Your mind has conjured up a very dark and disturbing story and I think you should seek help as to why.”