Page 12 of Retrograde

Shocker, right?

I had a moment to think if I should buy something for Joris like—not a thank you for sex but… Maybe? Courting?

Wait, I shouldn’t do that first when he was courting me. Right?

“Oh, fuck everything,” I grumbled and went back to my Instagram scrolling for ideas. If there was ever a time I just wanted to enjoy pretty and not think, it was right then. Thinking back to that night reminded me how upset Onyx and Thorn had been that I’d chosen Joris when Lori had drugged me and started my heat.

Fine, I understood Onyx; he wanted me for real. But Thorn?

Petty. He just didn’t want others to have me because the sex was amazing. He didn’t want me for real. I could even forgive how stupid he’d been and handled it all badly, but thenstopmaking plays for me.

I shook off Thorn and his stupid and focused on myself. I glanced around, and while I liked my suite and the renovations, it still didn’t feel like mine.

“Because people are in your space and you hate that. Stop being so amiable and start putting yourself first. You cannot function if you don’t take better care of yourself,”Iris lectured, Eloise agreeing… And asking when we were having fun foods again because she didn’t get any again after being so awesome.

I blew out a harsh breath. Nothing was ever easy. Seriously.

4

Sagan

The next morning, I wondered if my dragons somehow talked to Belinda behind my back. I walked into the dining hall for the first time since I was drugged, figuring Saturday morning would be easiest, especially since Darren was there and people would be distracted with the full moon. We weren’t beholden to it as other species were, but most dragons went flying.

I definitely needed to with all the stress I was under.

“Why is there no food here that the queen likes?” Belinda demanded loudly as she looked between the staff. She chuffed when they stared at her with wide eyes. “Are you deaf as well as daft? Why have I been hereweeksand not once has there been food served that the queenlikes?”

She did a double take when she saw me standing at the end of the buffet like a deer in headlights.

I remembered all the people and felt their eyes. “I don’t dislike it or—”

“Child, some days I want to strangle you as much as hug you,” she chuffed. She held up a hand to me when Raquel came racing into the room from the staff entrance. “What happened with the meals when the queen returned to the castle? How were these menus planned?”

I couldn’t meet Raquel’s gaze and focused on the coffee fixings on the table like they were somehow different than every other day.

“Answer her, Raquel,” Maple said firmly. “I want to know what this is all about now and there have been too many missteps.”

My heart healed a bit hearing her say that and knowing a few people echoed her, probably Darren and… I wasn’t sure, but at least people cared.

“At first we kept the same menus, but then I discussed with the queen—there was no need for everything elaborate with the elders’ nonsense over,” Raquel answered quickly. “I didn’t go rogue or just change menus to—”

“Where did you get the menus, girl?” Belinda demanded, sighing when someone cleared their throat. “I’m agitated, but I mean no disrespect. Please warn the staff that all the ancients will need to work on that, especially since we keep to ourselves. We forget things have progressed when upset, and—please answer me…”

“I’m Raquel,” Raquel filled in for her and nodded but then frowned. “Some were the queen’s training meals that her mother had—it was her diet before—” She sighed when Belinda chuffed. “Not that I put her on adiet, Ancient. It was her meal plan when she was home and…”

“And?” Belinda practically purred.

“Don’t make her say it,” I whispered.

“Well, someone tell me,” Darren snapped.

I met his gaze. “And Mother put me on a diet so I could lose weight. She thought I cheated on my meal plans at school and I was always on strict diets at home.”

“I wasn’t thinking,” Raquel rasped, sounding heartbroken. “It made—when she suggested the meal plans your mother made for you could bring you comfort—”

“You listened to that whore that leeched off her family and never asked Sagan what she likes to eat?” Belinda asked coldly. “Whensheneeded comfort and compassion? You are—”

“It’s not all she’s had going on,” I cut in before it got any uglier. I swallowed a gasp when Belinda was suddenly across the room and shaking me.