Page 21 of One Day at a Time

‘Okay, so I have more questions,’ Chanel declared.

That didn’t surprise Sheena at all. Chanel had always been the most detail-oriented one of them. That’s why she was in charge of arranging all social activities, weekend jaunts and spa breaks.

‘How do you feel about Gregor dating? Does the thought of him with someone else not spark even a twinge of jealousy?’

Still sitting on the floor, Sheena leaned her back against the side of the bed. She’d already put a fresh, crisp white cotton duvet and matching pillows on there and it had brightened up the pale cream room even more.

‘Honestly, no. And I know that just says everything about why I needed to leave. We had that discussion last night actually. I can’t stand the thought of him sitting in the house being sad, so I told him to go out and date. He’s probably already on Tinder andlined up back-to-back coffee chats for the next week.’ She stopped, a thought dawning. ‘Oh shit. I told him about that sugar daddy website that my client, Jeremy, was on. I really fricking hope he doesn’t want a twenty-five-year-old gold-digger. There’s an Only Fans model on there who has recently become available.’

Martha wasn’t impressed. ‘Oh, I couldn’t. Could you imagine dating someone twenty years younger? I’d have to hold my stomach muscles in for so long I’d be at risk of passing out. If they didn’t watch the first ten series ofTaggart, then we’ve got nothing in common.’

‘I’ll bear that in mind when I’m setting up my Tinder profile,’ Sheena teased, mostly for the reaction.

‘Tell me you’re not. That’s a Netflix documentary waiting to happen.’

Sheena was chuckling now. ‘I’m kidding. But I do want to get back out there at some point. Maybe some me-time first, though.’

‘Okay, but you don’t go on a date without telling us,’ Martha insisted. ‘We’ll monitor the situation from behind a pot plant and be prepared to pounce if there’s a threat to your safety.’

‘Deal. I’ll wear tracking device and I’ll go no further than holding hands until we’re engaged.’

Chanel was nodding at that. ‘That’s exactly the parameters I was about to put in place.’ She took another swig of her champagne. ‘But I was thinking, we could do aMamma Mia.’

‘Sing “Fernando” and leer over Pierce Brosnan?’ Sheena asked, unsure of where this was going.

Chanel didn’t even justify that with an answer. ‘Tilly, who works in the shop at weekends, has offered to do some extra hours while she’s on a break from uni. I was thinking we could maybe go on a jaunt to Greece? I’ve been wanting to go for agesand haven’t had the chance. Nothing crazy – maybe just four or five days next month. Could you get away, Martha?’

‘Even if I have to stage my own kidnapping, I’m coming. I’ll leave the ransom note in the cleaning cupboard. Graeme and the kids will never find it.’

‘Yassss, one glass of champagne and she’s wild again,’ Sheena giggled. ‘Okay, I’m definitely in, but I need to avoid the fifteenth, because I’ve finally got an appointment with a gynaecologist to talk about getting on HRT.’

Chanel topped up her glass. ‘Well, personally, I can’t wait for menopause to kick in. I mean, I’ll still insist on condoms for health reasons, but no periods! Ah, happy days.’

Chanel had always been very set on her decision that she didn’t want children. There was no dark reason or latent trauma behind her feelings, just the calm, absolute certainty that she didn’t have a maternal bone in her body and that she was totally fulfilled by her career, her social life, her romances and her life choices.

Before Sheena could comment on her pal’s happy anticipation of a period-free future, she saw that Chanel was staring curiously at a bright pink, sparkly bra Sheena had bought for a hen party about a decade ago and hadn’t had the heart to throw out yet. ‘Tell me this isn’t a new purchase for the dating scene?’ she teased.

Sheena snatched it off her and put it in the drawer. ‘Nope, I’m going to wear it if my new life includes belly dancing classes. Stop judging me.’

Chanel was hooting with laughter. ‘Not judging. Okay, I am. Anyway, what were you saying? HRT? I thought you were going to wait until you’re in full-blown menopause.’

‘But that’s the thing, I think I’m there now.’

‘Oh, God, she’s going to rhyme off her symptoms,’ Martha groaned. ‘I can feel my cervix tightening at the thought of it all.’

‘I thought you said your cervix fell out after the last kid?’ Sheena asked innocently, loving the exchange. This was what she wanted to do forever. Hang out with her pals and talk nonsense. It was so much more entertaining than yet another afternoon trying to pretend she was enjoying dry chat about bike gears over Sunday lunch with Gregor.

‘It did. But carry on, don’t let my pain stop you.’

Sheena stretched and reached for the champagne beside her, then changed her mind and had a slug from the bottle of water on the bedside table instead.

‘Well, as I may have mentioned, there’s the Saharan vagina…’

‘Once or twice,’ Chanel confirmed.

‘And then there’s the irritability, the brain fog, the internal furnace, the daily exhaustion, the hormonal swings – I nearly chased down a bloke who cut in front of me in the queue at Greggs the other day. And now I’m gaining weight and I can’t shift it despite doing three – count them – THREE fricking spin classes a week for the last month. But in amongst that absolute shit show of calamity, there is one little ray of sunshine on a cloudy day, because my periods have stopped. Haven’t had one for months. I would do the Hallelujah chorus, but I want to save my vocals forMamma Mia.’

Chanel was on the same period page. ‘Ah, that giddy day can’t come quick enough. Right, pal, it sounds like you’ve got a plan. New house. HRT. A wee jaunt to Greece. A first date. And then a whole new life.’