Page 42 of Xane

I shrug.“The wounds are throbbing, but I just took a painkiller.”Jerking my chin in the direction of the door, I ask, “How are things going out there?”

Grayer winces and steps back to rub his neck, frustration evident in his voice when he says, “Luisa is still out there.Spence and the government managed to jump on the cartel with all the information Roux gathered.Within the hour they had a team raiding their location.Alonso is in custody along with most of his men.”

Good and bad.Dammit, with Luisa still out there it’s not over yet.

Grayer reaches out and glides his fingertips along my cheek, as if he sees my worries.“We have a new security up and running, extra brothers keeping an eye out, and the main room of the clubhouse has been...”He releases a deep sigh and without thinking I hug him.

I knew what he meant and actually saying the bodies are cleared, floors mopped and ridded of the blood, bullets wiped away and pulled from the walls...all the crucial reminders of what happened...including the loss of Neo.

No amount of redecorating will make any of us forget what happened.How we lost Neo.And I’m pretty damn sure I’ll never look at the bar the same way as before.

Roux steps inside along with some of the other brothers.

“Smells good,” Roux remarks.

I step away from Grayer and wave at the table.“There’s enough for everyone.Can you spread the word so those who are hungry can grab a bowl of chili?”

“Sure thing, Z,” Roux rumbles and rubs his hands as he walks out.

His back is visible in the hallway when we hear him bellow, “Food.Come and get it or miss out,” before stepping back into the kitchen.

“I could have done that myself from right here,” I mutter.

Grayer chuckles.“Roux doesn’t want to miss out on your food.They love your cooking, especially your chili.”

My chest fills with warmth due to his words.The kitchen starts to fill with members of our MC as well as the other New Jersey chapter.My own thoughts make me pause.Our MC.Somewhere in the past few days I’ve fully accepted Grayer’s club as my own.With everything that happened it brought us closer together and shows me what’s important.

Neo’s words flow back into my brain again the way I reminded Fawkes.We can’t live like any second is our last.While it simultaneously acknowledges the fact that if you don’t live life to the fullest, you will miss out on the things you keep pushing forward.Either from fear, need the strength to step up, or simply think you will have all the time in the world...until you don’t.

With this thought I want to move forward completely.Push myself to step up, face my fears, worries, anxiety, and take back my life.A life with Grayer.

I turn to face my old man and tilt my head back to ask, “Are you hungry or can you wait?”

The corner of his mouth twitches.“If we wait there will be nothing left.”

Shit.He’s right.My shoulders drop.I guess it can wait because I definitely decided what I want and won’t let anyone interfere with my freedom ever again.Even if Ramiro tried to crush it, he failed to obliterate it.I’ve mentally dusted off most of the triggers and want to face my trauma.The only way to overcome the fear of what happens when Grayer and I are intimate is by simply doing it.

“We can always make something else or order some food later,” he murmurs.

My belly flops with the way he looks at me, as if he can read my mind.Before I can chicken out, I grab his hand and pull him in the direction of the door.He follows closely as I lead him to our room.

The door falls shut behind us and I quickly flip the lock.When I turn to face him, I feel my cheeks heat and my brain stutters to a complete halt.I wanted to be assertive, and yet, when push comes to shove everything frizzles out.I bite my bottom lip and try to think of actual words to give reason as to why I pulled him in here when he steps closer.I take a step back and feel the door right behind me.

Leaning in, he lets his nose slowly trail up my neck as he breathes me in.“Any reason why you dragged me into our cave, woman?”

My breathing is choppy when I whisper the one thought that pops into my head, “Did you just call me a cavewoman?”

His chuckle is husky and I can feel the rumble in his chest.My breasts feel heavy when his body deliciously cages me in.There’s no panic creeping into my veins.My eyes are wide open and the man standing this close is the one I want near.The man whose touch I don’t repel but welcome.

“I called our bedroom our cave and you, you’re my woman.My old lady, and hopefully one day my wife and the mother of our children.”

My heart takes a huge leap due to the words he just threw out.A plan, a goal, a dream, a future.

So many things I want and yet there’s one single word that covers it all when I simply tell him, “Yes.”

Wait.Did he just propose?Did I accept?Shit.Are we engaged now?Crap.I dragged him in here to have sex and instead we got engaged.Did we?Dammit.It would be weird if I asked for clarity, right?Holy shit, why is life so damn complicated?