Page 76 of If the Duke Demands

“Miranda.” His voice was a hoarse rasp of regret. “I didn’t mean—”

She turned and fled down the hall.

His gut twisting with remorse, Sebastian rushed up the stairs after her and found her inside his sitting room, her hands shaking fiercely as she quickly pulled back her curls and tied them with the same green ribbon he’d removed from her hair last night. Tears fell down her cheeks even as she kept her face turned away from him in her anguish, and his heart shattered as he watched her collect herself so she could flee from the house. And from him.

“Miranda,” he pleaded quietly, crossing the room to her and reaching for her shoulders. The sight of her pain ripped at his heart. “Please listen—”

She yanked herself away and put half the distance of the room between them. Instinctively, he knew not to follow.

“You said I was special,” she whispered, unable to find a louder voice beneath her tears, although he knew he deserved to be cursed in screams. “I know it’s not love, but—” She choked on a sob, and the soft sound sliced through him. “I never imagined this was what you meant.”

He flinched at the recrimination in her voice. “I didn’t.”

She turned on him, her eyes flashing bright with furious tears as she accused, “The message or the delivery, Sebastian?”

His eyes met hers, guiltily returning the pain he saw in their stormy depths and hating himself for causing it. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair to keep from reaching for her again. “What do you want from me, Miranda?” His shoulders slumped in defeat beneath the unbearable weight of his life. And of her love. “Whatever it is, I can’t give it.”

Nothing had changed for him, no matter how much he enjoyed being with her. No matter how much peace he had found in her arms or happiness in one of her laughing smiles. He was still a duke, and he could never be free to marry whomever he wanted.

“I wantyou, Sebastian,” she breathed in a heartbreaking whisper.

Her soft words fell through him with a pleasure-pain so intense that it ripped his breath away. At that moment, he recognized all the love and happiness that fate held dangling in front of him, all wrapped up inside a spirited woman with unruly strawberry-blond hair and a freckled nose—only to have it snatched away. The wretchedness of it was unbearable.

“I can’t give it,” he repeated, his voice choking.

“Even now?” she whispered, the pain in her voice heartbreaking. “Even after last night and all we shared?”

Damning himself to hell, he admitted quietly, “Even now.”

She flinched as hard as if he’d hit her, ripping out what little was left of his heart. “But you’re not marrying Lady Jane,” she whispered, blinking rapidly to hold back her tears. “You told me last night that you…”

Her voice drifted away as the truth sank slowly through her, and he watched as the fight ebbed from her, stealing away the energy and vivacity that he loved so much. She transformed before his eyes, from the beautiful woman set on seizing life for all it was worth to a dull shadow of herself. He’d never hated the dukedom or himself as much as he did at that moment.

“So it wasn’t that you preferred Jane,” she whispered, so softly he could barely hear her, but his heart felt every torturous word stab into his chest. “You simply never wantedme.”

“That’s not it,” he bit out in his own pain and frustration, “and you know it.”

Damnation! He’d been placed into an impossible situation, didn’t she realize that? What did she want him to do—throw aside his obligation to his family by selfishly marrying the woman he wanted rather than one who would be best for the dukedom? Wasn’t it enough that he had to carry inside him the guilt he felt over not being at his father’s side when he died? Or did she want to haunt him, too, reminding him forever of the happiness and love he’d lost in her?

Once before, he’d chosen a woman over his family, and she had cost him the last opportunity to speak to his father. He wouldneverput a woman before his family again. No matter how much he loved her.

“I would marry you if I could, Miranda.” The soft confession tore from him with an anguish so intense that he winced. “I would give you a home and a family, and I would spend the rest of my days spoiling you. But I’m not free to marry you, you know that. Even before we left Islingham, you knew that I needed to find not just a wife but a duchess.”

“But you need someone who makes you happy,” she whispered through the tears. “More than anything else I want—I just want to make you happy—” She choked, her words turning into a sob.

“My happiness is not your responsibility, Miranda. Neither is anyone else’s.” He kept his voice as gentle as possible, to compensate for the harshness of his words, but he had to make her understand how futile her feelings were for him, even with the best intentions behind them. “You want to help people, and that is selfless and wonderful. But you cannot save us all, just as you couldn’t save your parents. Some of us are beyond your help, and you have to let us go.” He paused, his gaze holding hers as the pain of the truth registered on her face. “You have to letmego.”

She stared at him, as if clearly seeing him for the first time, and he watched the last tendrils of hope seep out of her. Then her watery gaze lowered to the floor, unable to bear holding his a moment longer, and her hand swiped at the tears sliding down her cheeks. The pain inside him was unbearable.God’s mercy, how he hated seeing her cry! And with each tear, something tore deep inside him, until it shattered completely.

“You can’t spend your life attempting to make up for your parents’ deaths,” he told her softly.

“Neither can you,” she breathed out. Her soft words stabbed into his chest like a knife, wounding him more terribly than he’d ever imagined she could.

Then with a soft cry of frustrated anguish as she gave over to the torrent of tears, she snatched her spectacles from the fireplace mantel and shoved them into her pocket as she fled toward the door.

Unable to stop himself even now, he started after her. “Miranda, wait— Please!”

She glanced back at him, anger and wretchedness marring her beautiful face. The ferocious look froze him in his steps.