Page 30 of Knot Your Pucking Secret

A long silence stretches as she moves. She still doesn’t look at me. Doesn’t acknowledge that I’m here as she continues packing her bag, leaving me to drown in every muddled thought I have as I watch.

“Le—” The single syllable catches in my throat. I clear it, hating how uncertain I sound. This is so out of character for me. “Lennon…”

Her body stiffens, but she doesn’t turn around or tell me to leave. She doesn’t tell me to go fuck myself either, so I take that as a small win. My brain leaves the fucking building as I close the distance between us without a second thought, close enough that I can smell the lingering scent of sweat, jasmine and sweet honey drifting from her skin. Far enough that she can’t accuse me of cornering her.

Is that what I’m doing?

No. I’m simply seizing an opportunity. One I have begged whatever gods exist for the chance of.

“I know you don’t want to hear it,” I begin, my voice quiet and foreign even to my own ears. “I wouldn’t want to hear from me either.”

She doesn’t even flinch. She gives me nothing as I clear my throat again, masking the nerves that threaten to get the better of me. If I don’t do this now, who knows when I’ll get the chance to again? She just stands there, her back to me. Is she listening? Probably not. But I’m going to say it anyway.

“There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about you. About what we did to you. Every fucking day, Len. I’d replay it over and over, wondering what would’ve happened if I’d just…questioned him. If I’d stopped following our Alpha for five goddamn minutes and actually told the woman standing right in front of me how I felt. How I still feel.”

I laugh, but there’s nothing humorous about the sound. “I always thought being loyal made me a good Beta. But it turned me into something I never wanted to be. I never wanted to be on the list of people who let you down, Lennon. Never wanted to be the reason for a single one of your tears. I thought I did. I thought… I thought I was doing the right thing. I was wrong.We all were. And I just want you to know that I don’t expect anything from you. You owe me nothing, and I know I’m stating the obvious, but I need you to know how I feel.”

My breathing labors, her shoulders rising and falling calmly, but when I don’t continue, she turns and slowly faces me. She says nothing, looking up into my eyes, her face devoid of emotion.

“I’m not asking for your forgiveness. In truth, I don’t deserve it.” I swallow hard, my emotions getting the better of me, but I keep going anyway because apparently, I have a deathwish. “But I’m so fucking sorry.” She slowly zips her bag closed, her eyes not once leaving mine.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

It’s all she says, before brushing past me and leaving the locker room. Leaving me.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

What. The. Fuck.

No ‘I’ll never forgive you’, or ‘I wish you were dead, Holden.’

Nothing.

Just… I’ll see you tomorrow.

The smile that explodes across my face is unstoppable as I turn, dropping back onto the locker room bench. My heart is beating so hard I swear it might crack open, adrenaline surging through every inch of me as my thoughts collide into one another so violently I can’t make sense of a single one.

What did she mean by that?

Was she moving past it?

No, that can’t be right.

There’s no way Lennon would let us off the hook so easily, much less pretend like it didn’t happen, the team be damned. And yet, I hang on to her every single word anyway. Tomorrow. I’ll prove myself to her. Not with words, fuck, I’ve used enough of those. Knowing my luck I’ll only make things worse. I’ll proveit every time I step onto the ice. I’ll be the player she deserves to coach. The Beta she should have had standing beside her from the very beginning. And if groveling at her feet for the rest of my career is what it takes, then so be it. I’ll get down on my goddamn knees if that’s what she needs from me. Anything.

As for my Alphas… They’d better pull their heads out of their asses because this team doesn’t stand a chance if they keep pretending pride matters more than accountability. We owe her far more than an apology. We owe her change.

Real change.

If she loves the team as much as I believe she does, and judging by the amount of money she poured into buying the organization, she does, then we need to make coming back here the best fucking decision she’s ever made. If they’re not with me in this… If it comes down to choosing between blindly following my Alphas and standing beside the woman we failed… I already know what choice I’ll make.

I’ve walked away from my family for less.

I can walk away from them too.

Lennon is everything.

She’s always been everything.