Page 86 of Buttons

I’m looking for a pen and paper since we haven’t set up the office supplies yet, when Julian offers his laptop in his car. It’s perfect. I type much faster than I write. After he grabs it, he returns, handing me the sleek machine. I place the laptop on top of a stack of boxes that have giant bags of cat food in them and open a Word document.

Julian stands behind me, his presence calming rather than judgmental. Then, I type.

Pros:

He showed up when I didn’t even ask.

He has been more attentive with the children.

His attitude has changed about control.

He carries heavy bags without a word of complaint.

The way he looks at our children.

I pause, my chest tightening. It is easy to list the ways he has changed, but fear still lingers.

Cons:

The “List” where he didn’t actually choose me.

He hates my nose.

I’m afraid that I’ll give him a second chance, only to return to how things were before.