Page 80 of Buttons

He grabs my cup and heads to the counter. Meanwhile, in the back of my mind, I start playing a game with the name of the sanctuary. I scramble the letters, pulling them apart like I’m trying to solve a puzzle. B-U-T-T-O-N-S S-A-N-C-T-U-A-R-Y A-C-A-D-E-M-Y. I find the T. The Y, the R, the A, the N, and another T.

Tyrant.

The word fits perfectly into the name of my dream, a reminder of the man who once controlled the air I breathed. But looking at him now, the word feels inaccurate. Why couldn’t we have been this version of us for the last eight years? Why did it take a separation and a pro-con list and a cat sanctuary to make him see me?

Julian returns with my drink, and after he sets it down, he sits, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

“Elowen,” he says, his voice dropping into that serious, low register. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us. I know we can’t go back, and I wouldn’t want to, honestly. What I forced upon us before wasn’t healthy.”

I stay quiet, knowing where he’s going with this, but frozen quite the same.

“I was wondering if we might try again,” he continues, his hands clasped on the table. “Not resuming our old marriage, but working to keep what we currently have.”

I look at him, and the grief of our lost years washes over me. I wish we hadn’t wasted a decade on power dynamics and “weighted scores.” I wish I hadn’t had to disappear for him to realize I was already there.

“I think that depends on what all that means,” I say finally, afraid we’ll slip back into old patterns, and I can’t do that again.

I won’t do that again.

He talks about respect and boundaries, and I offer him concrete steps: co-parenting and monthly family outings. I see the relief in his face, the way he accepts my terms without trying to negotiate them. It’s so different from the man I left.

When we finally stand to leave, the rain is now drumming a calming beat on the roof. I walk ahead of him, and I feel his handrise, intended for the small of my back. It’s a gesture of habit, of ownership. I hold my breath, waiting for the touch that usually makes me feel like an object being guided.

But the touch never comes. I glance back and see his hand hovering an inch away, his fingers curling back into a fist as he deliberately lowers it to his side. He noticed and stopped himself. Loving this new version of him, I briefly reach for his hand, wrap my fingers around his, squeeze, and then release.

“I’ll see you at the sanctuary,” he says, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. “Drive safely, Elowen.”

“You too, Julian.”

I watch him walk away into the rain, his head tilted. I stand there for a long moment, my key fob in my hand, the distance between us not as painful as it once was. Maybe we can do this after all.

Chapter 34

Julian

The boardroom is where I hold my power. And right now I’m in my element, meeting Robert Thompson to discuss sustainable luxury housing. I only wish Leo were here. Not to prime him for business, but as a learning opportunity. I actually think my nine-year-old would have quite an input on our discussion.

Right now, Thompson is describing projects we can collaborate on, but my mind is elsewhere, because my silenced phone on the table buzzes again. Glancing at the caller I.D, I see it’s Beatrix. If it were my wife, I’d answer. But it being Beatrix, I doubt it’s an emergency. She likely forgot I’m at work and is asking if I can pick up odor-free cat litter. That’s what happened last week, at least. I’ll return her call after my meeting.

“The work my company did for the Aspen project is groundbreaking, Julian,” Robert says, tapping a gold fountainpen against the meeting room’s table. “But now I’m interested in the solar aesthetic for the Malibu estates. If Plaza Investmentsbacks the infrastructure, we can change the market.”

My phone vibrates again. I slide it closer, the screen illuminating with a text from Beatrix.

INSPECTOR ON SITE NOW.

I swallow hard. The final health inspection isn’t supposed to be until next Tuesday. Still, I press on, trying to keep my voice from reflecting the sudden spike in my pulse. Because Elowen’s got this, I know she does. And again, if it were Elowen calling and texting, needing my help, I’d go in a second.

Robert continues, oblivious, “We’re looking at athree hundredpercent increase”

Another buzz. Then another.

BALTHAZAR ESCAPED! INSPECTOR THREATENING TO FAIL US.

WHERE ARE YOU??

At first I think,The inspector is going to fail the sanctuary over an escaped cat. Are they for real?But then, when the image of that skittish tomcat bolting past a clipboard-carrying inspector flashes through my mind, I imagine said skittish cat scratching someone. And that scratch could possibly cause an infection, causing someone to go to the emergency department. The inspector may consider Balthazar feral rather than a stray needing a second chance, which would make the certificate of occupancy dead. Elowen’s dream would be dead.

“Julian? Are you with me?” Robert asks, his brow furrowing. “I’m talking about saving you ten percent if we sign the exclusivity clause today.”