Page 59 of Buttons

Then, just as Elowen seems to be gathering the cleaning supplies, Meredith spots me. She gives me a full-lipped grin.

“Daddy! You’re here!” She bounces on her toes while the cat holds on for dear life. “Look at my kitty! Her name is Pepper!”

Leo turns at his sister’s exclamation, his expression shifting from surprise to cautious happiness as he stands. And then Elowen turns. Her eyes find mine through the chain-link fence. Her expression travels through multiple emotions in quick succession, but ultimately lands on confusion. The smile she wore moments earlier fades, but it doesn’t disappear entirely, which is a good sign. Rather than angry, she appears more unsure. I wonder how welcome I am here.

Meredith solves my dilemma by running to the enclosure gate, the kitten still cradled against her chest. “Come see Pepper!” she calls. “She picked me to be her special friend today!”

Leo follows more slowly, his eyes moving between his mother and me.

I take a deep breath, straighten my shoulders through habit rather than any real meaning, open the latch on the fence, and step through.

Chapter 25

Elowen

Julian steps through the gate, making me freeze instinctively. He doesn’t belong here among the cat toys and kibble dust, with his expensive shoes and carefully rolled sleeves. Aside from my apartment, this shelter is my safe space. The one place he hasn’t trampled all over.

“Daddy! Look!” Meredith charges toward him, Pepper clutched against her chest like a living stuffed animal. The kitten dangles patiently, yellow eyes wide but trusting. “This is Pepper! She’s my special friend today!”

Julian bends to his haunches and meets our daughter at eye level. “She’s beautiful,” he says, voice softer than I remember it being around animals. “May I touch her?”

Meredith nods solemnly. “Gentle fingers. Like this.” She demonstrates a light stroke along Pepper’s back.

I move closer, magnetized by this strangeness. Leo approaches, too, the gray tabby following at his heels like they’ve been companions for years instead of minutes.

Julian sticks out his pointer finger and more so pokes the cat rather than pets her.

Meredith giggles. “No, Daddy. Not like that!”

Julian retracts his hand.

“Is everything okay?” I ask, unable to keep the edge from my voice. Julian Plaza doesn’t just show up places without purpose. “Why are you here?”

He straightens, shoving his hands into his pants pockets. It’s a tell I recognize from board presentations gone sideways. He’s nervous.

“I was in the neighborhood,” he says, then stops himself. “I mean, I was in the neighborhood, because I came specifically to see you. All of you.”

I fold my arms across my chest, suddenly conscious of the shelter T-shirt with its faded logo and the cat hair embedded in my jeans. “We don’t have anything scheduled today.”

“I know.”

We stand in awkward silence, the children’s attention already drifting back to their cat friends in their newly cleaned catio.

“I wanted to explain about the dinner with Carmella,” he says finally. “I saw that red-headed woman there, taking photos or video. It took a minute, but then I remembered seeing her picture on the shelter’s website, and I realized she’s your coworker.”

“Not now,” I say, nodding toward the children. “This isn’t the place.”

He nods, accepting my firm stance. Another surprise. The Julian I knew would have persisted, would have controlled the conversation, but I’ll admit he’s been respecting my wishes as of late.

“Mom! Can I show Dad how clean we made everything?” Meredith tugs at my jeans, Pepper now draped across her shoulders like a fur scarf. I actually watch as Leo and Julian shiver in unison.

I hesitate, caught between protecting this new world I’ve built and acknowledging that, whatever else he might be, Julian is still their father. “Sure, Mi-Mi. Just for a few minutes.”

Her face lights up and she grabs Julian’s hand. “Come see! We used a special cleaner that’s safe for kitties! And I used the little broom all by myself!”

Julian’s expression is a mix between bewilderment and wonder as he allows himself to be led. Wonder is a rare expression I’ve seen on Julian.

“We cleaned all the water bowls,” Meredith continues, pointing proudly.