Page 19 of Buttons

“Of course.” She returns to her efficient tone. “I’ll process everything today.”

“Thank you, Virginia. Goodbye.”

I hang up and turn off my phone. Years of my life ended in a three-minute call. My hands are trembling so badly that I nearly drop the phone, yet myface tells a different story.

The next morning, I wake before the children do.

The stranger in the bathroom mirror has perfect hair. Straight, shining strands that fall just past her shoulders in the exact style Julian approved. “Professional yet feminine,” he called it. It’s just right for the wife of Julian Plaza. I lift my hand to touch this stranger’s face. She looks tired around the eyes.

I open the medicine cabinet and am in luck to find silver scissors. Fate has intervened, or more likely, my old travel kit.

I gather a chunk of hair and hold it taut between my fingers. The scissors are cool against my skin. I hesitate, just for amoment, hearing Julian’s voice: “Elowen, don’t be ridiculous. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.”

I don’t listen. The first snip is terrifying, but the second is exhilarating.

Hair falls into the sink. About five inches of straight, perfect, Julian-approved hair. I keep cutting, not aiming for any particular style, but focused on freedom. With each release, I feel lighter. My head seems to lift higher without the weight.

When I finish, my hair just barely rests on my shoulders. It’s slightly uneven—especially in the back; I’m afraid to look—and rough, but what I care about are the results. My natural waves begin to emerge, likely from the moisture of my sweat. Tomorrow, after showering, I won’t straighten it. I’ll let the curls return.

Chapter 7

Elowen

The next morning, I wake to see a text from Julian. I had my phone off, so I hadn’t seen it yesterday. Good thing I hadn’t, too. It would have been the last thing I needed. Especially since it’s so cruelly detached.

Julian:Virginia mentioned your resignation. Please coordinate with HR regarding outstanding projects and transition materials. Your personal items can be collected as arranged.

That’s all I’m good for, right, Julian?

Equally infuriating is how I had already coordinated with HR. Hehasthe files. But knowing Julian, he’s looking for physical files because that’s what he prefers. He hadn’t realized I’d been printing files for him every day and giving him color-coded folders. Everything is in the company cloud.

I’ll call Virginia later and tell her. I won’t be doing it for Julian, but for her. She’d be the one to have to listen to him complain every day.

First, I need to shake off my nerves and gain another bout of confidence, because the thought of calling Julian’s work—once ours—has my chest physically aching.

The best way to boost my confidence is to spend time with the kids. At times they’re exhausting, but they’re also what I’m most proud of.

The neighborhood park sprawls before us, in a patchwork of play structures and open grass. Around us, other families pal around. There’s a father pushing a toddler on a swing, a group of children chasing each other across the field, two mothers chatting on a bench while monitoring the sandbox. They’re all normal people living normal lives, and now, I’m one of them.

Leo tightens his grip on my sleeve, his body pressing against my side. This isn’t the usual playground we go to, and his anxiety has only intensified.

“What if they don’t like me?” he whispers, eyes fixed on a group of children climbing the jungle gym.

I crouch beside him, straightening the collar of his jacket. “They’ll like you because you’re kind and smart and interesting.”

He doesn’t believe me. I see the doubt in his eyes.

Meredith has no such concerns. She spots a game of tag unfolding near the swings and breaks away from us without a backward glance, her purple sparkle boots leaving small imprints in the damp grass.

“I’m playing, too!” she announces to the group of children, who barely pause before absorbing her into their ranks. One second she’s an outsider, the next she’s integrated, laughing as she dodges a boy’s outstretched hand.

Leo watches her with a mixture of envy and disbelief.

“How does she do that?” he asks, so quiet I almost miss it.

The question pierces me. How indeed? Meredith moves through the world with the confidence I once had. She’s me before I learned to make myself more convenient for Julian’s comfort.

“She just does,” I tell him. “And you can too, in your own way.”