Page 131 of At His Beck & Call

“Well, no… he came and met Henry.”

“And then when it was snowing out, he offered you a place to stay and put you both up in his apartment.”

“He only did that because?—”

“Lissa,”Bethany says, gripping my hand even harder. “Listen to me, you have to tell Oliver how you feel.”

“What?”

She scoffs. “Okay, let me ask you one more thing. When he told you it would be best for you not to work there anymore, what was his expression? Like he didn’t give a shit? Or was he upset?”

I think back to that moment, the tight, enclosed space, the way Oliver wouldn’t look at me, his obvious agitation and discomfort, so unlike his strong, silent character.

“I’m not sure. He left pretty quickly afterward. But I told him he was a coward.” Bethany’s eyebrows rise, and I swallow nervously. “I shouldn’t have said that, should I?”

“Are you kidding? I’m so proud of you. You’re a fucking badass now. Heisa coward for letting you go. It’s obvious he cares about you.”

“Is it?”

“Yes. And if not? What have you got to lose? You don’t work for him any longer; he’s kicked you out to ‘live your life’ or whatever the fuck he justifies it as. If you tell him what you want, what youreallywant, to make a go of things and have him in your life, then if he says no, you’ve lost nothing.”

“Didn’t you tell me that the first rule of this job is not to fall for your client?”

Bethany smirks at me, filling up my cup. “I think there’s an exception to that rule when the client falls for you first.”

Chapter 46

Lissa

Bethany stayed until the bottle was empty. I blame the alcohol and her offer to stay with Henry as the reason why I am currently on a bus on my way through New York, about to humiliate myself.

There is no part of me that feels like this is a good idea, but it also feels necessary. Oliver doesn’t get to kick me out of my job and his life without me having something to say about it.

I’ve been bossed around and controlled by men my whole life, and although Oliver always gave me a choice during our time together, when it came to the most important decision, he gave me no say at all.

I try to cling to that anger, the buzz of the alcohol slowly fading. I catch glimpses of a beautiful full moon through the skyscrapers as we bounce on toward our destination.

Turning up at Oliver’s house and demanding to speak to him is definitely the craziest thing I’ve ever done. It’s as if Bethany has taken over my body and dragged me out of myself, making me face the consequences of my stupid, vulnerable heart.

I’m not sure what I am going to say to Oliver. I’m angry and eager in equal measure, wanting him to hear me out but alsopound my fists against his chest and scream at him for what he said to me.

And what if he laughs?

There’s every chance I turn up at his house; he stares at me in total disgust and asks why the hell an escort is demanding anything from him but money. The thought of that is so horrifying that I almost stay on the bus as we approach my stop.

At the last minute, I rise, walking unsteadily through the narrow aisle and lurching through the doors as it comes to a stop. Climbing down into the brown, mushy snow, I stare at the street ahead where Oliver lives, feeling numb.

I have officially lost my mind.

Taking out my phone, I message Bethany, every fiber of my being wanting to turn around and head home.

LISSA:THIS IS INSANE. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU TALKED ME INTO THIS. HE ISN’T GOING TO WANT TO SEE ME.

BETHANY:JUST GO IN THERE AND TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE.

LISSA:EXCEPT MY PRIDE.

BETHANY:IF YOU DON’T DO THIS, YOU’LL ALWAYS WONDER WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN.