Page 7 of Tell Me I'm Enough

I can still hear the doctor talking to my mom as his voice gets quieter the farther away I get.

Then I hear my dad’s voice behind me.

“Son. Stop!”

I stop in the empty hallway, and he grabs my arm, jerking me around to face him. He bends down to get eye level with me. He looks annoyed…with me of course.

“I know this is hard, Mason, but—”

The sadness turns to anger as I look at my dad. “Doyou?” I spit. “How would you know? You don’t even care!”

His face softens for a second before it’s serious again. “Idocare…she’s your mom…but you have to get yourself together. You’re going to have to grow up now and be the man of the house a lot more since she’s sick and I’m not always around.”

My face drops. “You’re not gonna stay home? They said she’sdying!”

“I can’t. I have a company to run, Mason.That’syour future. I can’t lose it when we need it now more than ever.”

“We needyou, Dad!” I plead, not being able to hold back from crying.

“Dry the tears, Mase. You’re going to have to step up around here. Can you do that for your mom?”

I’m angry at him, but I just nod.

There’s no other choice. If he doesn’t want to be around for Mom, I’ll be there twice as much. We don’t need him.

* * *

I stare out of the window in the back seat on the way home, watching everyone go about their lives like everything is so normal, while my life doesn’t feel normal anymore.

I had to go back into that doctor’s office and listen to them explain how my mom will soon basically become a vegetable over the next couple of years, losing all functions until she can’t move, eat, talk, walk, or eventually…breathe. I couldn’t handle it. I still can’t understand why this is happening. Why her? She’s never done anything bad in her life. She’s perfect. She’s my mom. I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want to be left here withhim.

Dad finally speaks after being quiet most of the drive.

“We’re not making this into some big tragedy, you hear me?”

My mom looks over to him, and I see the way her eyes are shiny, like she was just crying or she’s about to cry. “It’s already a tragedy,” she tells him, almost whispering. “I’m just trying to figure out how to live inside the nightmare now.”

“You’ll be fine,” he says flatly. “We’ll hire help. I have a couple of meetings in Dallas next week, so we’ll get someone set up by then.”

“I’m going to needyouhere,” she says, sounding confused. “With me. With Mason.”

He snorts. It’s mean, and it makes me mad that he’s being like this towards her. “Me being in the house won’t fix your body not working, Nichole. We need actual solutions.”

I watch the trees fly past, pressing my forehead to the window and pretending I’m not listening, because that’s how I survive with him—imagine none of this is real.

“I’m just asking you to be my husband,” she says. “I’m asking you to be his father.”

“I’m both already.” He changes lanes without signaling. “What I’mnotis a babysitter. We’ll get you a nurse. Stop worrying about it.”

“I don’t need a nurse yet.” She looks down at her hands, at them shaking. “I needyou.”

Silence again. He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t say I love you or we’ll figure it out or anything a person should say when the person they married and are supposed to love just found out they’re going to die in a couple of years.

We pull into the long stone driveway, and my dad pushes the button on his visor for the four-car garage to open. He pulls into the dark bay and unlocks the car without saying anything else to Mom.

“Get out and help your mom, Mase. I have to make a call.”

I walk around to the passenger-side door and hold my hand out for my mom to take.