Page 40 of Tell Me I'm Enough

I pull my helmet off and throw my gloves on the ground near the bench.

I’ve gotta focus, do whatever I need to keep up and be the best out there on that field.

We split up into stations after they run some more plays, doing speed ladders, cones, and resistance sprints.

The turf is still wet this early in the morning, and my calves ache every time I slip. I invite the pain, though, digging in further each time. I pour all my energy and all my anger into anything physical. I push myself until I can’t go anymore, and then I keep going anyway. Out here is where I can lay it all down, let it all out, force the numbness to turn into power, strength, and aggression that I can actually use.

“Drive!” Coach yells.

I do just that, and I push myself as far as I can go, needing the release and needing to be the best.

When I pull the straps off, I drop to the ground, finally feeling the exhaustion hit me all at once.

“Better!” Coach yells. “That’s the Sinclair I know!”

You and everyone else except me.

I get back up and jog to the sleds.

Reed slaps the metal with his palm. “Show it the attention you show all the girls on campus.”

I shake my head, laughing as I grab the pad, sink my hips, and rush the thing like it’s everything I’m trying to push back against in my life.

I hear Coach’s voice in my head, then my mom’s voice over his, softer:“You don’t have to be an avalanche, baby. Just be steady.”

I give it everything I have to make everyone else around here happy, pushing the sled as far as I can go, digging into the ground, and tightening my core with all the strength I have.

We trade off, switch up drills, talk shit, and push each other further and further.

Reese calls me a blonde, rich, wannabe version of Luke Kuechly when we’re all joking around with each other, and I shake my head.

“Tell your mom I’ll keep my jersey on next time I’m inside her if that’s what she’s into,” I shout while we’re doing suicides down the field. “Also, I’m a wide receiver, not a linebacker, idiot!”

Chase joins in, laughing. “We can tag team her if you want. I’ve seen Reese’s mom…she’s hot!”

Reese shoves Chase, and Chase grabs onto his jersey as he falls sideways, knocking into me and making us all tumble to the ground. Coach yells at us and makes us do ten track laps for screwing around.

We strip our pads and helmets off, and as we’re running the track, we have to maneuver around the cheerleaders practicing by the bleachers. I hear them giggle after Chase whistles at them while we’re running by.

They normally practice inside our gym, since they don’t really perform at our games or anything, but sometimes we see them out here when the weather is nicer, or they’re doing certain drills.

On the last lap, we all stop right near them to catch our breath. A couple of the girls walk over to us and grab some waters for themselves. I look up to see two of them smiling at me while whispering something to each other. I smirk at them as I bend down to fix my shoelace.

They both walk over to me together.

“Hey, you’re the rookie from Florida, right?” the tall brunette asks. She looks like a stereotypical British girl with the amount of makeup she has on, and I try not to gawk at how much it’s caking up and coming off with her sweating from practice.

“I don’t know, maybe. I’m sure there’s a couple of Florida boys on the team,” I tell them.

The other girl standing with her laughs. She’s a short, pretty Korean girl with long wavy black hair, and she looks preppy as fuck, with her designer jewelry and a bedazzled uniform. She’s cute, like every other girl around here. She also looks just as shallow as the rest of them.

“We just thought…you’re really tall.”

“Hmm, I was hoping for cute,” I tease.

“That’s a given,” she says. “But seriously, what are you…like six foot?”

“6’2, but what does two inches really matter?” I say, winking at her.