Page 285 of Tell Me I'm Enough

“Yeah, to his room.”

The words land like a blow, like a straight slap to the face.

I don’t react in front of them. I just set my cup down slowly and walk away, straight towards the stairs. My legs feel like they don’t belong to me. Every step is louder than it should be in this already loud house.

When I reach the top, I see his door.

Closed…with a sock hanging on the handle.

My chest caves in, and the world narrows to that stupid fucking piece of fabric.

I don’t go any closer. I don’t need to. The implication is enough. I can’t handle hearing anything. I can’t handle that confirmation.

I turn around so fast I nearly trip down the first step.

By the time I reach the bottom of the stairs, tears are blurring everything. I push through people blindly and head for the front door.

“Simone?” Tank grabs my arm gently before I make it down the front steps. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I say, wiping my face fast. “I just want to go home.”

“You’re crying.”

“I’m fine.”

He studies me. “What did Mason do?”

I let out a shaky breath. “Nothing.”

“Don’t make me have to kick his ass when he gets back.”

I look at him, confused. “Get back?”

“Yeah, he rode with Tanner to go on a beer run.”

“When?”

“Like ten minutes ago?”

My brain stutters, not knowing what to make of that information, wanting it to be true, but knowing that’s just my stupid heart being hopeful.

I let out this hollow laugh. “Well, he must have gotten sidetracked up in his room.”

Tank frowns. “What does that mean?”

“Nothing,” I say quickly. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Do you need a ride home?”

“No.” I pull my arm free gently. “I’m good.”

And then I walk. Across the lawn. Across campus. Alone. Not wanting to call anyone anymore. Not wanting to feel this pain…again.

Mason knew what Tyler did to me. He knew how much it crushed me. He knew what it did to my head. Yet he turned around and did the same thing. Drunk or not. It’s not an excuse. I don’t care what labels we do or don’t have. Heknowswhat we are. He knows how I feel about him. And IthoughtI knew how he felt about me. But I guess not.

I’m so tired of feeling like this. I’m tired of being the strong one. The one constantly pulling other people away from their shitty choices, trying to stop them from making mistakes that will hurt them, trying to save them from themselves. Asking them not to hurt me in the process.

I’m always everyone else’s shoulder that they lean on, and I just want someone I can fucking lean on, too. Someone who doesn’t disappear into a bottle. Someone who doesn’t make me question whether I matter or not.